The Courting Of Uzumaki Naruto
by The Carpet Shampoo
Summary: Love is in the air, and everyone seems to be searching for that special someone to spend their life with. But why the heck did they ALL have to pick Naruto as that special someone? And who is the secret admirier? shounenaistraight hints. Chap 2 fixed
1. Springtime for Naruto

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by The Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: Unfortunately Naruto is not mine. But I do have the cutest little Naruto plushie! 

Author's Note: Hm…What to even say about this crazy fic I have been planning? I will simply state that I love Shikamaru and I want to have his children. The couples are Naruto x Just About Everyone. It's a rather interesting fic, if I can say so myself. Naruto wakes up one morning to discover that for some odd reason, his friends all seem to have fallen in love with him. Konohamaru suggests they have a tournament in which the participants will compete for the title of "Most Romantic", the winner getting the prize of calling Naruto his boyfriend. But who is this secret admirer? 

Chapter 1: Springtime for Naruto

            "Naruto-kun, you look so nice today!" _Huh?_ Naruto looked up to see his pink-haired teammate standing in front of him. He looked down at himself. He had woken up late this morning and rushed out the door, grabbing a wrinkled outfit off the floor. His hair was messier than usual, and his leaf headband sat crooked on his forehead. He studied Sakura for a moment, trying to figure out what on earth she thought she was doing.

            "Ne, Sakura-chan, are you sick?" Naruto put on hand to his forehead and placed his other hand on Sakura's forehead. He really had no idea what this did, only that they did it in books and stuff all the time.

            "Naruto-kun, you're so funny!" Sakura giggled and lightly pushed away his hand. Naruto glanced at his hand. _What's going on here…? Sakura's never EVER not touched my hand without smacking it…_

            "Maybe you should go see a doctor! Or Kakashi-sensei! …Well, maybe you shouldn't see Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto was serious now, he'd never seen Sakura act this way before. He lightly sniffed the air. Was she drunk? Where did she get sake? Why hadn't she shared?

            He couldn't detect any alcohol on her breath. So what was going on? 

            "Oh Naruto-kun…you always make me laugh…" She smiled at him, and looked at him in a way that was sort of creeping him out. 

            "Look Naruto-kun, the cherry blossoms are starting to open…Spring is here."

            "Yeah, they're open all right…So what? They always do that you know…" Sakura glanced at him and giggled again. 

            "So, silly, that means they'll be a festival! Would you like to go with me…?" She smiled and leaned in a little towards Naruto. _What the hell is going on? Is this some weird trick? Well…even if it is a weird trick, its still a date with Sakura-chan so…_

"Hmph! Like he'd ever go with a big forehead freak like you, Sakura-_chan._" Naruto looked up, surprised to see Sakura's rival, the ever-insulting Ino standing there.

            "Ino-pig! Get away from him, I was here first!" Naruto scratched his head. Why was Ino here? He barely knew the girl, but like most others, she never seemed to care for him all that much.

            "Wouldn't you rather go with _me_ to the upcoming festival Naruto-kun?" Ino winked at him, giggling slightly. 

            "You don't even LIKE Naruto! You're just doing this to annoy me!"

            "My motives are my own, but its clear who Naruto likes more. Isn't that right Naruto-kun? Naruto-kun…?" Ino and Sakura turned around to try and spot the blond haired boy, but he was already running away. 

Naruto ran away panting, even with his stamina he was slightly out of breath from the speed he had been running.

            "Uzumaki. How interesting to run into you on this spring day." Naruto's eyes snapped open and he jumped back, falling into a fighting stance as Gaara of the Sand stood in front of him. The redheaded shinobi smiled in that strange haunting way of his as he reached out his hand to catch a falling cherry blossom. 

            "So sad…like people, the cherry blossoms begin to die before they have even fully bloomed. Perhaps that is why we love them so…" Gaara looked up at Naruto, still staring at him with that strange almost sad smile. Naruto twitched slightly and took a step away from him. Gaara turned, the wind rustling through his hair and he released the blossom into the wind, watching as it drifted away.

            "I was hoping to see you here, Uzumaki Naruto."

            "Do you even have permission to be in our village Gaara?!" Naruto demanded. 

            "The Konoha Village Cherry Blossom festival is open to all ninja clans, is it not?"  Naruto sighed; the festival was open to all people.

            "I've never attended personally, any sort of festival. Would you be willing to show me the festival Naruto?" 

            _What the hell…? Is he…is this…? _

            "What the hell Gaara? Are you asking me on a DATE with you?"

            "If you wish to call it that Naruto." Gaara looked at him, and Naruto shook his head frantically.

            "Hell no!" 

            "If you didn't want a date, then why did you suggest we have one?" Gaara asked simply. Naruto shook his head again, trying to shake that weird look Gaara was giving him, the one that made it appear the redheaded shinobi was staring into his soul.

            "What the – I didn't suggest that at all!" Naruto argued back. Gaara didn't even flinch as the blond haired-boy screamed in his face. Gaara smiled that strange half-smile, half-smirk as he stepped forward towards Naruto. For one wild moment, the blond ninja thought the other boy was going to kiss him. 

            Gaara reached forward and stroked the side of Naruto's face with the back of one of his fingers, causing Naruto to flinch slightly. 

            "I do wish you'd make up your mind Naruto…" Gaara brushed his way around the blond ninja and walked off, calm as always. 

            "What the hell is going on…?!" Naruto ran off as fast as he could as Gaara calmly strolled away. 

_SMACK!_

            Naruto staggered backward rubbing his forehead. Even with the forehead protector, that had hurt like hell. Naruto glanced up and saw Neji standing there…Well, to be technical, he saw two or three Nejis standing there. 

            The dark haired ninja stumbled backwards a few steps. He looked up, his pale eyes narrowed in anger to see who had been so clumsy and stupid to crash into him like that. Neji looked up and saw the little blond ninja rubbing his forehead and swearing. The slightest bit of pink tinted his cheeks at the sight of the boy.

            "Naruto! I-I'm sorry, I didn't see you there…" Naruto stared at the pale eyed boy. 

            _What the- I bumped in to him! I was the one who wasn't looking…How hard did he hit his head? I know Iruka-sensei says I have a hard head, but I wasn't going that fast…was I?_

"Neji, I was the one who bumped into you…"

            "Naruto, don't be so weird. I was obviously not paying attention." 

            _Oh jeez, not another one being all weird…Neji NEVER 'not pays attention.'_

            "Do you think it was fate that brought us together today Naruto? Oh wait – you don't believe in fate, do you Naruto? Then what is it that brought us together, in this very spot? A strange coincidence for neither of us to be paying enough attention to dodge the other, don't you agree? Two shinobi, both caught off guard…" Neji looked over at Naruto to see if he agreed, and odd, rather creepy smile on his face. 

            Naruto saw the slight pink on Neji's face, wondering how he missed that before. The pink was the only sign of color on Neji's entire body. Naruto backed away slowly.

            "Oh God, not you too…What the hell is going on?!" Neji watched as the blond ninja fell to his knees and banged his head against the dirt. 

            "Naruto! Stop it! You'll hurt yourself!" The blond boy ignored him and began repeatedly pinching himself in the arm. Neji gulped slightly. How hard had he collided with Naruto? Was the boy really that hurt? 

            "Naruto…" Neji knelt down and gently grabbed the boy's wrist, holding it just firm enough so that he couldn't escape. "Are you sick Naruto? Running around in all this heat can make you do that…Perhaps you should go lie down or something…I could go fetch your…" Neji paused for a moment. Naruto didn't have parents to take care of him if he was sick "…sensei. Kakashi, right?" Neji had heard rumors about Kakashi and wondered if it was the best idea to leave the blond boy alone with him. "Or perhaps…perhaps I could take care of you when you're sick." 

            Naruto frantically shook his head. The last thing he wanted to do was be alone with Neji. _Sick…? I usually don't get sick, but it's a good explanation for why all this is happening. _

"Maybe I've come down with something after all…Could you go see if Iruka-sensei is around anywhere?" _There's no way in hell I'm letting Kakashi take care of me!_

"Of course Naruto…" Neji patted the blond boy on the head, ruffling his hair slightly before running off to the village to find Naruto's favorite teacher. 

Neji wandered around the village, searching for the ninja cadet instructor Iruka, or at least, someone who would know where Iruka was. In the crowd, he spotted his dark haired cousin, Hinata. 

            "Hinata-sama! Have you seen Iruka-sensei around?" The dark haired ninja girl looked up, seemingly startled. 

            "Oh! Neji…I haven't seen him, but perhaps he is with Naruto?" 

            "You're looking for Naruto Hinata-sama?" Hinata blushed a bright pink and shook her head, stammering slightly.

            "Its no use Hinata-sama. I already found Naruto and spoke to him. Fate has decided this battle, and the Main House of the Hyuga clan won't beat the Branch this time…"

            "Neji…what do you mean?" 

            "You'll find out Hinata-sama…" And with that, Neji walked off, leaving his cousin behind.

            "_Neji…He can't like Naruto, can he? T-Then what am I supposed to do? I could never tell Naruto I like him personally. What does Neji mean fate has already decided the battle? Could he have feelings for Naruto, and have told him?! Oh my gosh, what am I going to do? How will I tell Naruto how I feel if I'm going to have to compete with Neji?" _Hinata covered her blushing face, trying to keep calm. She knew she had to tell Naruto, but she was too shy to tell him in person. 

            "What am I going to do…?" 

"There he is Kakashi!" The silver haired jounin lazily glanced up to see Naruto sitting where Neji had left him. He watched as Iruka ran towards the confused looking boy, and slowly meandered after, stifling a yawn as he turned the page in his book. Kakashi wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he knew there was no way Naruto could be sick, so that meant he could take him time. 

            Iruka on the other hand…

            "Naruto, are you ok? How many fingers am I holding up? Do you know who I am?" 

            "I think so, 4, Iruka-sensei." The blond boy answered. Iruka looked alarmed and glanced around for Kakashi. What was taking that stupid jounin so long? Didn't he realize his student was ill?

            "Kakashi! Hurry up! Naruto's really ill! I held up three fingers and he counted four!"

            "That's because the dunce is too stupid to count right…" None other than Uchiha Sasuke had walked on to scene, smirking arrogantly in that way he knew pissed Naruto off.

            "Sasuke, you bastard!" 

            "Sasuke, don't upset him, Naruto's sick today."

            "Mentally, right?"

            "Bastard!"

            "Sasuke, please!" Sasuke turned to his former sensei and nodded.

            "I have some stuff to do anyway. Don't be sick for too long, dumb ass. I don't want to be saving you on our next mission." Sasuke walked off towards the village, Iruka holding back Naruto, who was desperately trying to chase after him.

            "Well, what did I miss?" Kakashi asked, showing up at last. Iruka glared at him, and the jounin took a slight step back and cowered slightly. Naruto watched the curiously for a moment. Since when did Kakashi-sensei or Iruka-sensei ever act like that? Iruka never ordered people around like that, and Naruto would bet his last bowl of ramen Kakashi never acted that way either.

            _Well…at least Sasuke is still Sasuke…_

Naruto returned home alone, though Iruka had promised to stop by with dinner later that evening. He was surprised to find Shikamaru standing outside his house.

            "Oi, Naruto, someone asked me to give this to you." Shikamaru stuck out a note and waited, rather impatiently, for Naruto to take it.

            "And you've been waiting here for me all this time?" Naruto asked suspiciously. It was very unlike Shikamaru to put this much effort into anything.

            "Who gave you this note…?" Naruto asked. Many people had been acting weird today, why shouldn't Shikamaru? 

            "Didn't see their face, didn't bother to figure it out…" Shikamaru responded. Naruto sighed. Well, that was pretty pointless. Naruto wondered why Shikamaru was going through so much effort to deliver this note to him. Not only had he brought it all the way to Naruto's house, but he had waited for Naruto to arrive home as well.

            Very suspicious indeed.

            "Ah, well, I've been feeling a bit under the weather recently, so I'm going to go lie down, ok Shikamaru?" The lazy ninja nodded, then wandered off, leaving Naruto alone. 

            Naruto sat down in a beat up old chair and opened up the letter.

            _Dear Naruto,_

_            Fate does strange things to a person, even one like me. It likes to curse people like me, spit on us, but occasionally, it throws things our way that we never would have expected. In this case, fate gave me Uzumaki Naruto. At first, I didn't like you, but really, who does when they first meet you? But lately, and knowing you, you haven't noticed or are confused by it, I have found myself thinking of you the way one thinks about a summer day. Like a light, like warmth, you've melted something in my life and I find myself thinking of you so often now._

_            What is it about you, dear Naruto, that draws me to you so? Since our first meeting, I have felt something for you I can't explain, something that has drawn me to you._

_            My dear Naruto, if this letter indeed reaches you, which I have made sure it will, then I wish to know if you feel the same. On the day of the cherry blossom festival, if you feel you could return my feelings, then please, wait outside your favorite place, and from there, I shall reveal myself._

_                                                                                                -Your Unknown Admirer_

"What the…Who the…?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE!?"

Author's Commentary: Well, what do you think? I apologize right off for Neji, I really hate Neji and don't know how to make him act. Um, well…I hope you like this fic! And uh…Shikamaru ish hot. ^^


	2. Kiba's Guide to Attracting Your Lover

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by The Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: Still not mine…

Author's Commentary: Awright! Anyway, the original plan was just to have the characters Naruto encountered in the last chapter (plus Hinata) competing for him. But someone said they wanted to see Shino and Kiba. ^^ Never thought of it, but hey, I'm doing this for the love of my fans, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought it would be funny. Why weren't they going to be included you ask? Easy. I mix them up. All the fricken time. Kiba is the one with the dog, Shino is the one with the bugs, right? I do hope so…

Word's on other competitors for Naruto's love…Kakashi and Iruka will not be participating. I cannot see either of them with Naruto as both are easily twice his age. I'm sorry, they will be in the story though…but I think teachers lose their jobs for having affairs with students. ^^ But there's no way I'm writing a Naruto fic and not including the teachers. 

Chapter 2: Kiba's Guide to Attracting Your Lover

            "You've got the plan right? I hope so because we can't mess this up…My whole future depends on it…Now listen buddy, you've always been there for me, I can't afford to mess up here…This is it buddy, this is what being a ninja is about…That's right buddy, its all about looking sexy and attracting those we think are sexy. Got it Akamaru?"

            Kiba smiled down at his faithful pet and pointed out their newest victim.

            "Yeah, I know, we usually pull this bit with the girls, but…this guy's special…Just go and play your part as the little lost puppy. Then I'll come in, rescue my dog by a chance meeting and Naruto will fall in love! Well…at least that's how it works in those little girly mangas Hinata tries to hide…"

            Akamaru still looked a little skeptical but wandered off to Naruto all the same. 

            Naruto rested in the ground, Kakashi had given him the day off training and missions after much pleading from Iruka that the boy was "all stressed out." Naruto figured a little R and R would do him good, after all that imagining yesterday that people were falling in love with him. After all, Sasuke was the one who always got all the girls. Not him. Not Uzumaki Naruto the demon fox. It was just too weird. 

            Naruto stretched out in the grass and closed his eyes. After winter, something in the air always changed, a little spark of excitement was in the air, that feeling that something new and wonderful was beginning. This to Naruto, was spring time, the time of wonder and romance.

            Ew…Romance. Naruto had had quite enough of romance for one day. At that exact moment something warm and wet touched Naruto's ear. His first thought was that it was Gaara, though he wasn't really sure why, and he sprang up and fell back into fighting pose. He looked down and saw a familiar looking dog sitting there, wagging its tail.

            "Hey puppy, what's up? Are you lost…?" Naruto bent down and looked at the dog more closely.

            "Hey! You're Kiba's dog! Akamaru, right?" The dog gave a little jump and barked at the sound of his name.

            "You lost little fella?" Naruto scratched the dog behind its ears while looking around for Kiba. That guy was never without his dog…Something was up again, and Naruto wondered briefly if he should run for it.

            "You found him! Akamaru, don't you ever run off like that again!" Kiba reached for the dog, his hand resting briefly on top of Naruto's as he patted the dog. Naruto jerked his hand away quickly and scooted back.

            "Well, you found your dog and I've done my good deed and I think I should go water my ramen plants and feed my pet rock, I'll be seeing you!" 

            "Naruto, don't be silly! I haven't thanked you for finding Akamaru yet…" Naruto glanced up at Kiba. He was standing awfully close…Suddenly, Kiba scooped the blond boy up in an unmistakable bear hug and squeezed him close.

            "Kiba…I can't….breathe…." Naruto squirmed, trying to escape the grasp of the other ninja. 

            "Oops…Sorry Naruto…" Naruto tried to step away, but found that Kiba was still holding on to him.

            "Naruto…how can I ever repay you…?" Kiba asked. Naruto squirmed even more and tried to move away.

            "Uh, I'll get back to you on that, ok? I think I hear my mom calling!" Naruto tried desperately, pushing with all his strength and finally breaking free.

            "But Naruto, you don't…" 

            _Oops…_

"Um, well then, I hear my um…toothbrush calling, and I think I'll go see what it wants!" And with that, Naruto was off.

            _Ok, definitely, DEFINITELY cannot be imagining stuff now…_

Naruto dove into some bushes and crouched down low to the ground, panting from his running. He could live the rest of his life in a bush. He had no problems living the rest of his life in hiding. He was perfectly content. 

            "Ok, so the people still normal are Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei and Sasuke…And maybe Shikamaru." Naruto groaned, that wasn't a lot of people acting normal.

            "List of people acting weird are Kiba, Gaara, Sakura-chan, Ino, Neji and maybe Shikamaru." Naruto felt a light tickling then, just below his neck and turned slowly to see a bug crawling on his shoulder.

            "EWWW!!" Naruto jumped and brushed away the bug, shuddering all over. "Gross!" 

            "Naruto. You have found my lost bug!" Shino stood there, staring at the palm of his hand.

            "What are you talking about Shino? You have like a zillion bugs, how can one be lost?"

            "Naruto, don't be…silly…? I haven't thanked you for finding Akama- I mean my lost bug." Shino continued to stare at the palm of his hand. Naruto blinked. Slowly, he began to realize what was going on here…

            Shino adjusted his sunglasses, and leaned in closer to his palm.

            "You….find…him…Damn, the inks all smeared. Thanks for receiving a mushroom…" Shino walked up to Naruto still staring at his hand and promptly hugged the boy, in a swift one-armed hug. 

            "Wait…hold on…No, damn, I'm still supposed to be holding you…" Shino put one arm back around Naruto.

            "How…can…I…ever…shave...blue?" Shino asked, squinting at his hand still. 

            "Are you listening to what you're saying?" Naruto stepped out of Shino's grasp and stared at the boy.

            "You're supposed to run now…" Shino held out his palm to Naruto and showed him the last line he had written, where it did indeed say Naruto ran away. Naruto stared at him for a moment and shook his head.

            "Shino…this is the worst attempt yet." Shino sighed; his shoulder's slumping slightly. Then suddenly, he stood up straight again and smiled over at Naruto.

            "Don't worry…I got a plan for next time…Just you wait Uzumaki Naruto, the next plan will blow your socks off…" Shino walked off and Naruto sighed. Yes, there was definitely something magical about springtime…something sickeningly magical…

Naruto decided to head home. Clearly, Iruka-sensei was right when he said Naruto shouldn't be out of bed quite yet.

            "Naruto-san! Naruto-san wait up!" Naruto turned and saw none other than Rock Lee running towards him, decked out in full green spandex suit. Naruto thought briefly of his day thus far and looked at the approaching Lee. Then without warning, Naruto turned and fled the scene.

            "Naruto? Hm, I wonder what's wrong with him…Well I suppose I'll find Uchiha and ask him where Sakura is instead…"

            Naruto ran until he reached the safety of his own house. He thanked every god he could think of that hardly anyone knew where he lived. Naruto paused for a minute. Sitting outside the door leading up to his apartment was a green bed sheet. On the bed sheet, someone had crudely scrawled out the word "bush". Naruto shook his head.

            "Konohamaru, get out of there…" Konohamaru sprang out, a piece of paper clutched in one hand, and an envelope in another.

            "You discovered my hiding place! As a reward, I will present you with this message from an unknown person!" Konohamaru handed Naruto a slightly crumpled sheet of paper and a wrinkled, ripped envelope. 

            "You opened it…" Naruto accused, his face turning slightly pink as he realized what the letter must of said. 

            "I checked it for traps, chief! Nothing else! But I did happen to check the words for threats. Someone really likes you chief…"

            "Yeah…a lot of someones…" Naruto quickly scanned the letter. Same handwriting as before.

            _My dear Naruto…_

_                        Today I saw you with Kiba. I admit, my heart pricked with jealously as I saw him hold you like that. His hands aren't meant to touch your purity Naruto, his eyes are barely worthy to look upon you. My dear Naruto, it seems everyone has become as touched as I over your beauty. But Naruto…I feel I have cared for you back when everyone still hated you, and my feelings have never wavered. _

_                                                                        -Yours in the past and present and future…_

            "Romantic huh?" sighed Konohamaru peering over Naruto's shoulder. 

            "Yeah, well I should sent this person a reply note saying get in line!"

            "Romance troubles?"

            "Worst kind…" Konohamaru looked thoughtful for a moment, then suddenly snapped his fingers.

            "Don't worry chief! Konohamaru's got your back, and he's got a plan! Give me the list of everyone who likes you and I'll get this sorted out…"

            "I should know better than to go along with your plans but…here goes…"

Author's Commentary: Fweh…Shino and Kiba have been added. Don't get me wrong, I love Lee, I just think he's straight, that's all. So don't be offended by the whole Naruto running from Lee thing. And as for Shino…he didn't strike me as a romantic so hence, the whole copying Kiba thing. BTW, mucho love for all the reviews. Ja!

            ****Could I be anymore retarded? ^^ I label all my files very similarly and when uploading late at night, naturally, I would be retarded and upload the wrong thing. As a bonus to you guys for all being good sports about it, I'm going to start working on chapter 3 right now, ok?


	3. The Tournament of Love

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by The Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor am I intelligent enough to.

Author's Commentary: Sorry about the whole 'uploading the wrong chapter thing'. Usually, I write my very best late at night, hence my chapters get uploaded late too. My mind must have been burnt out completely. But hey, if any of you guys are KH fans and liked what you read, the first 5 or chapters of that story are posted, and under my name too. Check them out, okay? ^^ 

Chapter 3: The Tournament of Love!

            It was the third day now, since spring had hit Konoha village. Naruto blinked and rubbed his eyes sleepily as the first rays of sunlight poked through his window and fell on his face. He opened his clear blue eyes a little wider and saw Gaara hanging from the ceiling over his bed, staring at him. Naruto blinked again, then rolled over, tugging the covers up over his head.

            "Just five more minutes Gaara…" Naruto snuggled in closer to the warm blankets and began dozing off again, when suddenly, something clicked in his mind.

            Gaara.

            Gaara was in his room. 

            Naruto sprang out of bed with a yell and backed up against the wall.

            "What the hell are you doing in my apartment?!" Gaara expertly flipped down and landed in front of Naruto, smiling creepily and wordlessly pointing to Konohamaru. Naruto looked where he was pointing and saw Konohamaru smiling sheepishly. Naruto's eyes grew wide as he looked around the room. 

            Neji was calmly seated at the table, looking bored out of his mind and tapping his fingers against the table. Shino sat at the table also, using cups of ramen he'd obviously collected off Naruto's floor and using them to prevent a single bug from walking outside a certain area. Sakura and Ino were both in the kitchen, and unless Naruto's nose served him wrong, they were both cooking. They also both seemed to be having a conversation about who could cook better. Naruto looked around some more and saw Hinata in the corner, her face bright red and her eyes looking down at the ground. They occasionally darted over towards the door as if she was about to run for it. Kiba was seated on the ground watching Akamaru chew on a ramen cup.

            "WHAT THE HELL ARE ANY OF YOU DOING IN MY APARTMENT?!" Naruto yelled, glaring at Konohamaru. 

            "Can you keep it down? Sheesh, I'm trying to sleep…" Naruto glanced over back into the direction of his bed and saw that sometime in the confusion, Shikamaru had lain down in his bed and was quite obviously trying to sleep there. Shikamaru gave Naruto an annoyed look and closed his eyes again. 

            Gaara watched as Shikamaru fell asleep in Naruto's bed, and then turned to Naruto himself.

            "So many people…each one actually believing they have a chance. They don't know that you and I are identical in soul, thus making us soul mates…"  

            "Oh shut up badger-boy!" Ino leaned out of the kitchen to glare at Gaara, "For your information, Naruto doesn't even like your gender, much less your creepiness." Sakura nodded furiously from behind Ino somewhere. 

            "Hmph. Naruto may not like my gender, but he can tolerate that more than your ugliness." Gaara retorted calmly.

            "Yeah! What he said!" Kiba yelled, jumping to his feet. Sakura stepped out into full view here. 

            "Oh yeah? Well Ino may be ugly, but at least she doesn't smell like a wet dog!" Ino nodded furiously to agree with Sakura's words, not really seeming to even hear them. 

            "Well, Kiba may smell like a wet dog, but at least he doesn't look like a man!" Shino shouted back to Ino. 

            "Ino may look like a man, but at least she doesn't look like a bug!" Sakura shouted back in defense of her friend. 

            "Shino may look like a bug, but you're all acting like children." Neji retorted calmly, shutting the whole room up. A soft breeze came through the window and fluttered Neji's hair uplifting strands gently and dropping them back into perfect places. 

            Kiba burped loudly, breaking the silence and starting up the argument again. 

            "Naruto doesn't even like boys!"

            "Naruto doesn't like fat girls either!"

            "Naruto doesn't like freaky bug guys either!"

            "He doesn't like people who smell!"

            "Naruto hates people with pink hair!"

            "Naruto hates shrimp!" 

            Everyone slowly began yelling louder and louder, each voice trying to top the last as they shouted the faults of each other and announced loudly all the things Naruto loved and hated. 

            "I SAID QUIET!" Everyone fell silent and looked over at a very annoyed Shikamaru. 

            "Must you all be so loud? I'm trying to sleep, Sakura and Ino, you've both burnt the food you were cooking for Naruto – " The girls disappeared in the kitchen quickly " – and yes, Kiba you do smell like a dog, Hinata, no one can see you there, Gaara you're weird, Shino you're dumb, and Neji, you look like a girl. There, we're all insulted equally, let's just be quiet now." 

            "Actually, while everyone's quiet…I have a plan for deciding who gets to win Naruto's heart." 

            "Don't I get any say in this?" asked Naruto stepping forwards slightly.

            "Nope! I've already made up a plan!"

            "Is it a fighting tournament?" Gaara asked hopefully, looking around at all the other ninjas. Neji looked mildly interested at that concept, Hinata looked terrified, Shino continued playing with his bug.

            "No, not a fighting tournament…but it is a tournament of sorts. We'll gather up some judges, and over the course of several days, you will be judged and critiqued by how romantic you are. The most romantic will win the tournament and Naruto. Who's in?" Gaara thought the whole concept over for a minute and then nodded slowly.

            "I'll join in…as I'm sure Naruto wants me too…" Gaara smiled creepily again before reaching out and taking Naruto's hand. He kissed it once, then disappeared before Naruto could retaliate.

            Sakura stepped forward. "As the only one Naruto's ever admitted to liking, I'm an obvious contestant for this contest." Ino pushed in front of her. "And because I have to show the whole world I'm better than Sakura, I'm in too!" She smirked back at Sakura before sauntering off out of Naruto's apartment. Sakura growled and followed in hot pursuit. 

            Kiba grinned and gave Naruto a thumbs up. "Of course I'm in! Akamaru and I will come up with the best plans!" 

            "Your dog does your thinking for you? I'm not surprised…Count me in." Neji added. 

            "Me too," said Shino. Naruto glanced over at Hinata who blushed and nodded furiously before scampering out, pushing in front of Neji, Shino and Kiba to leave. Naruto looked at Shikamaru, who seemed to be dozing off on his bed. 

            "Troublesome, yes…" Shikamaru said opening one eye, "but I suppose I'll do it…after all, I spent the energy coming here, might as well see it through at this point." Shikamaru pulled himself out of Naruto's bed and slowly walked off. Naruto sighed and went outside to get some much needed fresh air. Konohamaru followed obediently. 

            "By the way Naruto, some people have already volunteered to judge. Kakashi said he should do it since he's your teacher, Iruka-sensei said that he should since he knows you best, and some weird creepy guy with huge eyebrows said since he was the most romantic, he should judge too. His little clone agreed with him, so I figured, why not? The three of them will be judging, if that's all right."

            "S'pose that's fine…" Naruto bent down, seeing an envelope laying on the ground. _Another one…?_ He looked around, but only saw Kiba and Akamaru there.

            "Did you drop this?" he called out, waving the envelope.

            "Didn't even see it there…Maybe Shikamaru did, he was the only one to leave after me. Or could have been Hinata in all her rush." Naruto shrugged and opened it up, holding it higher this time so Konohamaru couldn't read it.

            _My dear Naruto…_

_            I see the cherry blossoms in bloom and I think of you. The blossoms remind me of you in a way, one that I cannot explain. Perhaps because they are the most beautiful flower of the most beautiful season, so rare and delicate. Like them, you my Naruto are the best of the best, the beautiful of the beautiful, and you deserved to be celebrated, as we celebrate the cherry blossom each year for all the wonder it brings. My Naruto, I look forward to seeing you at the cherry blossom festival this year. It seems best that I reveal my self then, don't you agree?_

_                                                                                    -Your secret admirer_

            Naruto blushed furiously and shoved the letter in his pocket.

            _Who the heck is sending these…?_

Author's Commentary: This chapter falls just slightly shorter than the others, but that's because I can't really go further in the story without getting into the next part of the story, which is, as you know, the main plot. Sorry again for the confusion on Chapter 2, I hope the early gift of Chapter 3 makes up for any inconvenience. 


	4. Up first! Hyuga Neji!

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by the Carpet Shampoo

Author's Commentary: Wow. I seriously need a beta. Forgive the OOC-ness of it all! Forgive the insanity!  Forgive the utter stupidity of it all! And most importantly, forgive the crappy summery and help me write a better one! 

*Ahem* Now on to other stuff. For those of you that noticed that there was yet another problem in uploading (one of the last chapters showed up funny) I believe that to be fixed and thank you very much people who pointed it out. To Iceheart19, yes I gave you your Neji breeze. Don't worry…there's nothing I love more than making fun of Neji. Except maybe making fun of Lee. ^^ To "sorry for being your troubles" (interesting penname btw) the reason everyone loves Naruto is because this fic is meant to be a parody of sorts. ^^ Simple as that. Everyone is writing fics pairing up Naruto with the most random people, and frankly, I couldn't decide which I wanted to pair him up with. This fic is meant to make fun of everyone who pairs up Naruto in stupid couples.  ….If that doesn't work, lets just blame Kakashi and get it over with. 

To everyone: Wow, wow, so many different requests for different couples. Everyone wants to see Naruto paired up with someone different. It'll be interesting to see how it ends, no?

To the person who analyzed each person's strategy. I think you need a hobby. Badly. ^^ But thanks for the review. I love long reviews.

Chapter 4: First up! Hyuga Neji!

            "So let me get this straight. You three are the judges of this? You two are jounins, and you have a class to teach! Don't you have anything better to do with your lives?" Naruto glared at the three upper level ninjas, tapping his foot impatiently waiting for a response.

            "Naruto…I just want to look out for you and make sure you don't end up making a bad decision…" explained Iruka gently.

            "And Naruto, I just want to mess with your head," Kakashi added in cheerfully.

            "And I, Gai-sensei, master of romance, just want to prove myself better than my rival!"

            "Now," Kakashi started in his most business-y voice, "We've done extensive research," Kakashi gestured towards Naruto's kitchen table where Iruka's encyclopedia, a copy of Icha Icha Paradise and several cheap shojo manga lay, "and we've decided the best way to judge most romantic is to send each person on an individual date with you! We set it up to be random by creating a chart with covered up numbers. Each person wrote their name under a number and then we revealed the numbers to show the order they would take you out in." Kakashi explained. Naruto nodded and pretended he understood.

            "Unfortunately…" Iruka cut it, "We failed to take into account Neji and Hinata who both used the Byakugan to see through the covered numbers. So Neji got first date as he can run faster than Hinata." 

            "Then Shikamaru used his Shadow Copy no Jutsu to hold everyone in place where he analyzed strategically where each number would be. He figured it out perfectly, and wrote himself down as the last date you'll be going on," Gai explained.

            "But everyone else should be random!" Iruka finished up, "And Neji will be here in about an hour to pick you up. So go wash your face and brush your teeth Naruto!"

            "And brush your hair," added in Gai. Naruto nodded and shooed them all out of his apartment before getting ready for his date with Neji.

            His date. With Neji. Things were too weird right now.

            Naruto nearly jumped out of his seat when he heard a knock at the door. He glanced over at the clock.

            _Huh…Neji's really early…_

            Naruto opened up the door wide and stepped forward. 

            "I wasn't expecting you this – Oh! Sasuke! What are you doing here?" The Uchiha boy quirked an eyebrow at Naruto and took a step away from him. Naruto grinned sheepishly, he had stepped a little close to Sasuke.  

            "I thought you were Neji…" Naruto explained.

            "Neji? Hyuga Neji? So its true then…You really are going along with all this stupidity. Do you even like Neji, Naruto?" 

            "Well…I…Neji seems like a nice guy…I don't know Sasuke, I'm just kind of going along."

            "If you want, you can get out of this. Hide out with me for a few days, and the whole thing will blow over. Sakura and Ino will go back to chasing me, Neji, Shino, and Kiba will go back to normal, Gaara will go back to his town and everything will be as it should."

            Naruto thought this over. "Sakura and Ino…Sasuke, you're not _jealous_ are you? You're just mad because people are paying attention to ME for once and you can't stand it, can you? Why do you always have to be better than people Sasuke? Huh? Why can't you just accept it that people finally like me over you for once?"

            "That's not it at all stupid! God forbid I actually might be concerned for you feelings like Iruka-sensei is. I've never cared for those stupid girls, it's a relief to have them gone. Forget I even showed up dunce…Go have fun making out with Neji." Sasuke spat the last word and stormed out of Naruto's apartment.

            "FINE! I WILL!" Naruto turned to slam the door, but was surprised when it didn't shut all the way. Neji pushed the door open slightly.

            "Did I come at a bad time Naruto…? Sorry for the inconvenience, but this is when Kakashi told me to show up. I could come back…"

            "No its fine…" Naruto turned away, blushing. No doubt Neji had heard every word of he and Sasuke's conversation…including the part about making out with Neji. 

            _Great…I hope all my dates are this great…_

            Naruto and Neji walked in silence through the woods surrounding Konoha. Neji couldn't think of anything to say, not after witnessing that fight between Sasuke and Naruto.  He led Naruto into a small clearing where he'd made a simple meal of sushi and onigiri. Naturally of course, he had a few things of ramen in reserve, just in case Naruto didn't like sushi or onigiri. Neji tried to think of something to say…It was rather awkward seeing Naruto sitting there looking all bummed out on their date. 

            Neji tried to remember what he had looked up in his crash course romance lesson last night. He had borrowed near all Hinata's romance mangas and proceeded to read them through. What was a guy supposed to do if a girl looked sad? Not that Naruto was a girl or anything but…

            Ah! That was right! Neji remembered now…He walked around behind Naruto and put his arms around the boy.

            "Its ok Naruto…you can cry if you have to…" Naruto blinked and turned around, scooting away from Neji.

            "You want me to cry."

            "If you need too…" Neji wondered if he should try being sensitive more often. He had never thought it had suited him, but it seemed Naruto was giving off a positive reaction to it. 

            "Actually, if you don't mind Neji, I'm feeling kind of worked up right now…Whenever I get upset, I get all energized. I'd prefer it if you'd spar with me a bit over me crying on your shoulder." 

            Neji sighed and stood up. Sparring and romantic did not go in the same sentence…

            _This,_ thought Neji, _is exactly why I'm not sensitive. _

            "Yes, we could fight…or I've got some instant ramen…" Neji decided against even offering Naruto any other food except ramen.

            "YES! Now we're speaking the same language Neji!"

            "We didn't before…?"

            "Never mind…"

            Midway through the meal Naruto slammed down his cup of ramen. 

            "And just way would I be crying over that stupid bastard Sasuke anyway?!"

            "Well…perhaps –"

            "I mean, its not like he even tries to be nice to me! He's just jealous cause people are finally paying attention to me! He can't take it that he's not the center of attention! I hate that bastard…I was actually starting to think that maybe we'd be friends, you know? But then he has to come and start this stupid fight!" 

            Neji stood up stepping forward to eclipse the sun and creating a golden light around him.

            "Naruto…you and Sasuke were destined to be rivals. Both of you grew up in the same loneliness that is being without parents, and you remain alike in the fact that you have to strive to be the best. Perhaps…that because Fate chose Sasuke to be the strongest in his class, Sasuke assumed it would always be so. But you Naruto, have transcended beyond Fate, rising to meet it, and against all odds, you have become a rival for Uchiha. Fate chose a new one to be the strongest, and Uchiha cannot stand that Fate has shunned him…Do you understand Naruto?" Neji glanced down, his hair fluttering slightly in the wind for a moment, before falling dramatically back into place. Naruto blinked and scratched the inside of his ear.

            "All I heard was blah blah blah, Fate, blah blah blah Fate, blah blah blah Sasuke and something something more fate. But whatever, what I really want to know is how you make you're hair blow with no wind." Neji sighed and sat back down, defeated.

            "Well Naruto, you've been honest with me, so I shall explain. You see, I have discovered that if enough chakra is gathered in the area of the scalp and then manipulated…"

            "You use CHAKRA to move your HAIR?! Neji, and just when I didn't think you got any weirder…"

            Neji sighed. This was why he wasn't sensitive.

Author's Commentary: Ouch, Neji isn't off to the greatest start in the whole world. Maybe the Hyuga's just aren't romantic? Let's see if Hinata does any better next chapter.


	5. The Shy Violet Hinata

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by The Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: Naruto's not mine…however after I marry Shikamaru…*insert evil laughter*  

Author's Commentary: You guy's reviews crack me up seriously. Everyone either loves this fic or is completely weirded out by it. I'm actually looking forward to updates! Which is why I update like…every day. Or almost. Ah lets see here…what else? GWFascination I'm sure everyone has at least one story about their parents catching them laughing at the computer. And giving them weird looks. Me, my parents ran in when I screamed. I'd been reading a horror fic and the door behind me shut suddenly because of the breeze. Cookie6, I'm not sure, but I'm betting Neji stole Hinata's books. He's just mean like that. Assassin of Shadows, I'm glad you think my summery is stupid. ^^;; I hate writing summaries. But what I hate even more is when people say "I hate writing summaries" in their summery! Just tell us what the story is about! Sheesh…

Chapter 5: The Shy Violet Hinata. 

            "N-N-Naruto-kun, I-I…um…" Hinata shook her head, her black hair whipping around her face. 

            "N-Naruto, I j-just wanted to…um…" Hinata sighed and hung her head defeated. She'd been at this for hours now. She couldn't even speak normally to a picture of Naruto! How was she ever supposed to talk to him face to face…? 

            "This is hopeless…" Hinata mumbled and covered her red face with her tiny white hands. Of all things, she'd had to have her little sister go tell Naruto to meet her in the park for their date. She couldn't tell him herself. Hinata sighed and sat down in her chair. She flipped through one of her oldest romance mangas, and smiled as a few pages fluttered out on her lap. She tucked them back into place, pausing to glance at one of the fallen pages.

            The heroine of the story was shy around boys too, she always blushed when they spoke to her. But then, when she met the handsome dark haired stranger who saved her life, she had fallen in love with him and he with her. Hinata gently touched the heroine's picture, watching as she tearfully told the boy she loved that she cared for him, all the while blushing like crazy. 

            _Why can't it be that way for me…?_ Hinata thought. _Naruto-kun's so nice, but I can't even say hi to him! I wish I could be like her…She's so pretty…_ Hinata looked at her reflection in the mirror and sighed.

            "…_I thought you were a plain, dark-looking weirdo…" _Hinata sighed, remembering Naruto's words. It was one of the few times she'd actually had the courage to talk to Naruto, and that's how he had responded. Of course, he went on to say that he could like a person like Hinata, but what was that supposed to mean? Did it mean that he liked Hinata? But as what? A friend? A girlfriend? Hinata wished sometimes, that she could look more like Sakura or Ino. Both of them were so pretty. Hinata really did look like a plain, dark weirdo next to them.

            _But maybe…Just maybe Naruto would think she looked pretty…_Hinata smiled at the thought and gathered up all her courage. It was time for her date with Naruto.

            Naruto looked around one last time and finally saw Hinata coming towards him.

            "Hey! Hinata! Over here!" Naruto stood up on a bench and waved to Hinata. She gave him a little wave back and then trotted over. 

            Hinata looked up shyly through her bangs and blushed at the site of seeing Naruto grinning at her like that. She looked back down at the ground quickly, avoiding Naruto's gaze. 

            "Um…" Hinata felt her face grow even hotter and she began nervously twiddling her fingers together, "Um…hello, N-Naruto…" 

            "Hey Hinata! Were you late or did I just get the time wrong?"

            "I…um…"

            "Well never mind then! I suppose what's done is done." Hinata glanced up again and saw Naruto with that same boyish smile grinning down at her. 

            "You know Hinata, I'm glad you entered this whole thing." The shy girl blinked as she felt her heart rate quicken within her chest, thumping against it almost impossibly loud.

            "Y-You are?" Her voice came out in the form of a little squeak.

            "Yeah! Otherwise, there'd be no normal people in this competition!"

            "O-oh…" Hinata sighed inwardly. What was that supposed to have meant? Did that mean he liked her, or not? 

            "Hey Hinata…"

            "Yeah N-Naruto?" 

            "What do you think those purple flowers are over there…?" Naruto 

pointed off to a small bunch of purple flowers, huddled together in the shade, "And how can they grow there? Iruka-sensei says flowers need sun."

            Hinata looked at the flowers closely. "Those are v-violets. They don't need sun to grow…as a matter of fact, they don't even need the sun to grow. Violets like the shade Naruto…" Hinata stared at the little flowers, twisting her fingers together and ringing her hands as she looked at the tiny purple flowers.

            "You're kinda like a flower Hinata. You're like those flowers." Naruto pointed back at the violets. "Cause they're kinda dark and almost hidden. Its almost like you can't see them. Its not like the other girls. See, Sakura, she's more like a cherry blossom, and not just cause of her name. See, cherry blossoms are pretty when they last, and that's not long…Just like Sakura can't stay nice to me for long! And Ino's more like a daisy…pretty, but common, there's too many of them and if I sniff too close, my nose itches."

            Hinata smiled at the small path of violets. _Violets are very pretty too…_she thought to herself.

            "And Neji? What kind of flower is Neji?" Hinata asked looking up at Naruto seriously. He blinked at her for a moment, and then started laughing.

            "Neji is like…a snapdragon! You hear the name and imagine some vicious thing, but all you get is a weird looking flower!" Hinata giggled and Naruto laughed.

            "What about Gaara?" She asked innocently.

            "Gaara is…a dandelion! Not only do they look weird, but no matter how many times people pick them, they always seem to be there!"

            "And Kiba?" Hinata asked between giggles.

            "Kiba is…sweet pea flowers." 

            "Why is he sweet pea flowers?" Hinata asked. If that was funny, she really didn't get it.

            "Cause I don't know too many more flowers." Naruto explained. Hinata shook her head and giggled.

            "Do you have a flower for Shino?"

            "Hm…a sunflower? Cause they move slowly and you always suspect they've been staring in the sun too long."

            "And what about Shikamaru…?"

            "A toadstool. Definitely a toadstool." Hinata giggled again and Naruto grinned at her. 

            "Naruto-kun, would you like something to eat?" Hinata felt her face turn a little hot, but really, talking to Naruto wasn't all that hard. She wasn't sure why she'd always had such a hard time with hit. He was so funny, he made her forget to be nervous around him.

            "Yeah! Sounds good! Lead me to the food!" Naruto stuck out his hand to her, and Hinata turned bright red again.

            "Um…O-Ok…" She felt her face grow more and more hot as she reached out and took Naruto's hand, leading him off to where she set down the food.

            _So much for this being easy…_Hinata thought, trying to fight off her blush…

            Hinata walked Naruto back to his apartment, though they didn't talk much on the way back. To the both of their surprise, Uchiha Sasuke was waiting outside Naruto's apartment for him.

            "Kakashi sent me. I'm to tell you your next date is with Gaara of the Sand." Naruto blinked. Hadn't Sasuke called this whole thing stupid? Why was he now acting as Kakashi's messenger boy?  
            "And after that, you have a mission. With me." Sasuke turned to walk off, but Naruto ran to catch up.

            "Wait a sec, Sasuke, you're a chuunin now. You have different missions than me. I'm still a genin, remember?"

            "Its not that hard of a mission. I asked specifically for you to come along, and Hokage-sama said it was all right." 

            Naruto glared at Sasuke, who remained emotionless in response. That stupid irritable Uchiha boy was still jealous Naruto was getting all the attention it seemed. Naruto turned around and saw Hinata there, looking a little nervous. He stepped in and grabbed her in a big hug, pulling her in close.

            "Thanks a bunch Hinata! It was lots of fun being with you…" 

            Sasuke turned and left, Hinata blushed severely, Naruto sighed, and somewhere off in the distance, Gaara was trying to pick out flowers from Ino's shop. 

Author's Commentary: This chapter's a little bit late. I've just been recruited to run follow spot for our school musical, Grease, and rehearsals are long! Seriously. That, plus homework, equals less frequent updates! Though I will try…I'm even skipping beta-ing this chapter, just to get it out sooner. Oh well…


	6. Desert Rose

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by The Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: Sigh…If only…

Author's Commentary: Its very very, late, yes I know. I've been so busy! I'll try and get in another update or two this weekend.

I'm sorry. I'm aware the last chapter was a little bit on the boring side. I'll try and make it more interesting this time around. And one of my favorite authors, purrfectly976 reviewed this fic. Special, huh? ^^ You should go read her fic if you haven't. After you read and review mine of course. ^^

            Chapter 6:

            Gaara was looking at flowers. He wasn't the type who'd normally pick out flowers, but through his knowledge of romance, limited it may be, he knew flowers were romantic. 

            He looked around the flower store again. Every corner was bursting with bright color, reds, yellows, and oranges yelled out from everywhere and every direction. Flowers were even hanging over his head, for some reason he couldn't quite explain. And the smell…Gaara couldn't even begin to describe that smell that seemed to emanate from all around him. 

            "Can I help you?" Gaara turned and saw a scowling blond girl standing in front of him. She had a few stargazer lilies gripped tightly in one hand and she appeared to be placing them inside a bucket of some sort. Gaara watched for a moment, trying to figure out what was so interesting about putting the flowers in a bucket, but saw nothing about it. 

            "Hello? Earth to Gaara, do you need something?" He looked at her, trying to figure out who on Earth this girl was and why she knew his name. Her vibrant blue eyes narrowed as she waved her hand in front of his face.

            Ino. The name came to him rather suddenly as he remembered seeing her at Naruto's. 

            _I should kill her…_ Gaara thought to himself. He reached over and took one of the lilies out of her hand. 

            "I need some of these." He said, pointing at the flowers.

            "You need some of these lilies? Or just flowers in general?" Ino asked, tapping her foot impatiently.

            "Flowers for Naruto." Gaara said calmly. He plucked on of the pink and white petals off the lily he was holding and popped it in his mouth. Ino looked quite openly disgusted for a moment, then turned away to begin looking at the flowers. 

            _I wonder if I could stab her with these flowers…Seems like a good way for her to die. Perhaps suffocation would be good as well…_

            "I've got _just_ the flowers for you. Naruto would love them! Wait here!" Ino ran off to the back, walking out the back of the shop to the garden. She reached up and with two slender fingers, pinched her nose together and walked over to the compost heap. She looked around quickly and spotted a pile of dead roses lying there. She quickly grabbed them with her free hands and ran inside to wear Gaara was still standing. 

            Ino felt sick to her stomach when she noticed that Gaara was no longer holding the flower he took from her. 

            "Here." She thrust the bouquet of dead roses in his hand, "Take these."

            Gaara studied the dead roses for a moment. He didn't know much about flowers, but he thought these ones were pretty good. They weren't as annoyingly bright as the others, and they didn't give off a bad scent.

            "I'll take them…" Gaara handed Ino a little bit of money, which she proceeded to pocket, and then walked out the store calmly, carrying his bouquet with him. Ino watched him leave and grinned. "HAH! Ino: one, Gaara: zero!" 

            Inner Ino shook her head, "That wasn't very nice you know…you should have sold him pretty flowers…"

            Ino shook her head. Stupid Inner Ino, always trying to bring down her fun in life…

            Naruto was nervous. 

            He wasn't sure when or where, Gaara decided he loved Naruto, but in his mind it involved Gaara waking up one morning and deciding that instead of trying to kill Naruto, he would marry him instead.

            Naruto fidgeted slightly, and looked up at the clock. Why did time always have to pass so darn slowly whenever Naruto needed it to go fast? He leaned back against his light wooden table and glanced down at the letter lying half under an old pork ramen cup. He had yet to read the latest letter from his secret admirer and had planned on throwing it away, but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to do so.

            He sighed and glanced up at the clock again, his fingers carefully stroking the edge of the letter subconsciously. Finally Naruto turned around, glared at the letter and ripped it open.

            _My dear Naruto, _

_            It seems like so long since I last saw you, though I know it hasn't been long at all. Today I woke up and the sun was shining bright in my eyes, something that usually annoys me in the morning, but when I saw the bright blue skies shining behind it, I was reminded of you, and strangely, comforted by the thought._

_            Do you believe in destiny Naruto? I never really believed in that, never really wanted to believe that there was some force other than me guiding me throughout life. Then I met you. And for the first time, I encountered something I couldn't explain, and that was the love I felt for you Naruto. It was so strange, so unlike anything I'd ever felt before, and I felt it must be fate, guiding me, leading me straight in your arms. Or so I wish. If fate be true, let it guide me now. I wish upon every star that falls, thinking it would make my wish come true, because it has that beautiful sparkle you do. _

_                                                                                    -Your secret admirer_

Naruto blushed severely, the red starting at his ears and slowly spreading across his face as his eyes scanned the letter. He walked over to a draw and pulled out a pen and a small scrap of paper. 

            _Dear Secret Admirer,_

_            I don't believe in fate, or destiny. So I don't think it will lead you to my arms any time soon. And all the falling stars in the world will not grant your wishes to be with me, unless you chose to come to me and reveal yourself. There's something about your letters I like. Destiny will not lead you to me, but you yourself can. _

_                                                                                                -Your secretly admired _

            Naruto stuffed the letter he wrote back in the same envelope that his secret admirer had sent the letter in, and walked outside to place it back in the same spot he had found the letter. 

            He had barely put the letter in place when he saw Gaara approaching from a distance, his vibrant hair sticking out oddly in the crowd. Naruto ran towards him, not wanting Gaara to find the letter. 

            Naruto blinked in surprise as Gaara handed him the bouquet of dead roses. He reached out and took the roses, more as instinct then anything else.

            "Um…they're very nice…?" Naruto said, sniffing them slightly. They smelled like they came from a compost heap or something. Gaara nodded; he already knew they were nice flowers.

            Gaara had thought that he and Naruto should go to the beach. After all, the beach, with all that lovely sand for miles and miles was Gaara's favorite place to be, so why shouldn't Naruto enjoy it as well?

            When they arrived at the beach, Gaara instructed Naruto to sit down in the sand and watch for a moment. Naruto watched patiently as Gaara took a step away and turned towards the sand. Suddenly, all the sand came up in front of Naruto and formed in a detailed replica of the bouquet Gaara had given Naruto…only a lot bigger this time. The sand reformed itself, turning into replicas of Naruto and Gaara. Naruto blinked for a moment and scowled at the replica of himself. Gaara made the sand Naruto stick his tongue out at the real Naruto, and then take the hand of sand Gaara. 

            Naruto quickly turned to Gaara, his face red.

            "This isn't going to get pornographic, is it?"  Gaara opened his mouth like he was about to respond, but then quickly turned, as if something else had caught his attention. The sand quickly shot off in the direction where Gaara had been looking and then came back, this time shaped like a rope, and dragging Kakashi, Iruka and Gai with it. 

            Iruka blushed and looked embarrassed, Kakashi winked at Naruto, and Gai attempted to pose within the sand. The sand proceeded to drop the three of them on the ground. Kakashi spun mid air and landed gracefully on his feet, Gai landed on his hands, then flipped over, and Iruka crashed down helplessly, landing square on his butt. After all, he's not a jounin like the other two. 

            "You were watching us." Gaara said to the three older ninjas. Iruka blushed and looked up at Kakashi for help.

            "Yeah, we were. Now, is the sand show going to get pornographic or not? I want to watch." Kakashi winked at Gaara, though you can't really tell when he has one eye covered. Iruka stood up and smacked Kakashi on the arm. 

            "Ahem! Perhaps I can explain…" Gai straightened up and looked over at Gaara, who was looking quite bored. "We are the judges of this contest, and we have to be watching to know who is the most romantic. If we don't see the dates, how will we ever know?" 

            Gaara appeared to be thinking this over for a moment, but decided that made sense. 

            "Very well then. I suppose that makes sense." The three ninjas nodded and disappeared in a poof of smoke, returning to their hiding spots. Iruka jogged after, him still being a chuunin and all. 

            Gaara grinned as he changed the shape of the shape once again. "And this is what all my opponents for you look like…if they had their heads severed off that is…" Gaara grinned amused and Naruto laughed.

            "That's so cool! Hey let me guess who's who…" Naruto ran up and began carefully inspecting the sand sculptures. 

            "This one's in a chuunin vest, so it must be Shikamaru…and that one there is Sakura. That one there with the puppy must be Kiba. But Akamaru still has his head…"

            "Of course," Gaara replied, staring at Naruto like he was crazy, "What kind of sick person do you think I am…?" Naruto chose not to answer and continued to look at the sand sculptures.

            "But where's Sasuke?" he wondered out loud.

            "Sasuke…?" Gaara looked over at him, his head tilted slightly to the left, "Sasuke's not in the competition."

            _That's right…Sasuke's not competing for me. So why did my mind suddenly think of him? Must be because of the mission tomorrow. Sheesh, what was Kakashi thinking signing me up for a mission? With Sasuke the big-shot chuunin no less. I wonder who else is being called away for this mission._

"Naruto." Gaara's voice jolted him from his thoughts and he jerked back to reality. "The time I have today is all used up." Gaara smiled, his strange little smile and took Naruto's hand between his own, clasping it tightly before drawing the hand up to his lips and planting a kiss.

            "Good-bye fair Naruto, I won't be far…" And with that, Gaara was gone. 

            When Naruto returned home, he found the note gone, but no reply. 

            _Life is complicated sometimes…This is so weird._

Author's Commentary: Way. Too. Long. Lol. I've already begun secret planning for my next Naruto fic, "Grave of Roses", which looks like its going to be a lot darker than "The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto". Kinda sad. I usually write happy stuff. But since I'm bored and its late, here's a little sneak preview of "Grave of Roses". Told in Sasuke's point of view here.

            The first thing I remember about Uzumaki Naruto, is that he was always alone.

            _"Come on guys, let's play 'ninja'!" The blond girl bounced on her toes slightly, her wide blue eyes staring at the group as her ponytail swung slightly behind her. This was Ino, the self-proclaimed leader of the group._

_            "Why bother? We're going to be ninjas anyway, why play ninja? Besides, all that running around is tiresome…" The black haired boy leaned over backwards, stretching and cracking his back, while a big yawn split down his face._

_            "Aw, man, you're no fun Shikamaru…" Ino whined as she kicked the dirt below her tiny feet, sending up tiny clouds of dust._

_            Naruto was off by himself, the other kids had long told him to get lost, and he had, yelling that he didn't want to play with 'the stupid kids playing their stupid games.' He smirked as his clumsy fingers tied together the last of the water balloons. Water droplets clung to his skinny arms, and despite the fact he'd rolled them up, the sleeves of his orange jacket had managed to get wet. But it would all be worth it soon…_

_            Naruto laughed manically as the first water balloon exploded in front of Ino, soaking her and Sakura both. The next few balloons landed right on mark too._

_            "I'm telling on you Naruto!" Ino shrieked back shrilly, her little girl voice high pitched. _

_            "Telling who?" He taunted back, "My mommy?" He stuck out his tongue at the other kids, and flipped them off, much to the shock of the girls, then ran off, heaving one last balloon over his shoulders as he did so…_

I never got involved with Naruto then, I barely knew he existed. I had only witnessed the moment as I had been training near by. I have never been a child; I have always been and will always be an ageless avenger, lost to the sea of time. All my encounters with Naruto have been accidental, and it makes me wonder if some strange force has tried to keep up apart all these years. But if it has, then why does he always return, no matter what I do?

Author's Commentary: This is just a rough draft for the fic, it'll get fixed up quite a bit before I release. As for a plot summery of the fic? Well…that's a secret. ^^ Sorry about the late chapter, I'll try harder next time.


	7. Chickens 1, 2 and 4

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

By The Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: Feh…

Author's Commentary: Whee! I'm back, finally with a bit of inspiration. BTW, I'm totally open to writing anything, did I ever mention that? I love Naruto x Sasuke to pieces, but there are so many fans of so many different couples! I've already got out a Naruto x Gaara fic, but is there any other couple anyone really wants to see? Fans of all couples are reading this, so I figure it's a good place to ask. 

Fics currently in Progress: "Grave of Roses" SasuNaru "Sasuke Lovers Anonymous" prolly SasuNaru, "Monster" GaaraNaru "Maybe Tomorrow" NaruHina Some of this stuff though may never make it, I'm sad to say.  I don't particularly care for NaruSaku…but there seems to be such a big fandom for it! I might just have to write one…I have an idea, but would anyone be interested in reading it if I wrote?

Chapter 7: That's when things got dirty…

            "UZUMAKI NARUTO HOW DARE YOU SKIP OUR DATE?!" 

            Yes, that was what Naruto up from a nice evening nap after a long mission all day. Sakura, his pink-haired teammate, in his room, screaming. He had been asleep but five minutes when the yelling began, and he found himself trying very hard not to doze off during her lecture. 

~Interlude: Sasuke~

            This whole incident had began this morning. As suddenly as the young ninjas of Konoha had discovered they had fallen in love with the golden haired boy known as Uzumaki Naruto, they had overnight all come to a similar conclusion. They were not going to win this competition if they did not play fair. And with this sudden revelation, the courting of Uzumaki Naruto became a whole new game to the young ninjas.

            The genius of Konoha, Uchiha Sasuke, however, had long come to this conclusion however. 

            Uchiha Sasuke sat over his desk, stacks and stacks of shojo manga and romance novels scattered about. He flipped through yet another romance novel, glancing over the words as he did so. He scribbled down something on a small piece of parchment, then leaned back and sighed. 

            His plan couldn't have gone anymore perfectly, and yet, it couldn't have gone any worse. There was no way he was lowering himself to become part of some stupid competition just for a shot at a date with Naruto. So Sasuke decided it would just be easier to sabotage the competition. 

            Sakura had always been dear to him as a teammate, but Sasuke had been around Naruto long enough to know that Naruto liked the pink-haired girl. So, Sakura was the first date Sasuke decided to ruin. 

            He had started by finding out when Naruto's date with Sakura was. Then the day before the date, Sasuke told Naruto they had a mission together the next day. Naruto fell for it like a charm, and Step One was complete. 

            Step Two was staging a mission. Sasuke told Naruto their mission was to find four lost chickens that belonged to some lady. They were rumored to be lost near Konoha. What Naruto didn't know, was that Sasuke had released the chickens himself. He told Naruto that the chickens had collars on (which had been a terribly hard task, even for Sasuke), each numbering the chickens. So they had chicken number 1, chicken number 2, and chicken number 4. Just a little precaution Sasuke took to ensure they'd search all day. 

            And by searching all day, Naruto had completely missed the date he and Sakura were supposed to go on. But Naruto had been so busy making chicken noises, he failed to realize the fact that he should be taking advantage of his time alone with Sasuke. Sasuke supposed all plans couldn't go perfectly. 

~End Interlude~

            "Wha..? But Sakura-chan, I was on a mission all day…I didn't have time for a date. Sasuke said that we had a mission and I went…"

            "Sasuke…he must be mad that I don't love him anymore and he's trying to sabotage this whole thing for me!" (Somewhere, Sasuke sneezed). 

            Naruto nodded, relieved someone agreed with him and he wasn't just imagining the whole Sasuke trying to sabotage the competition. But there was a more important problem here at hand. How on Earth was Naruto supposed to make this up to Sakura? 

            "Um…Sakura-chan?" 

            "What is it Naruto?" the pink haired girl snapped back.

            "Would you um…like to go on a date with me?" Sakura stared at Naruto, wondering for a moment if he was serious. Finally she shrugged and nodded.

            "Why not?" Naruto brightened up immediately. He grabbed his wallet, shoved it in his pocket, all his earlier tiredness seemingly forgotten. 

            "Come on Sakura-chan, let's go!" Naruto grabbed the pink haired girl and, rather ungracefully, dragged her out the door. 

            "All right Lee, now you know the plan right?"

            "I know it Shino, but it just doesn't seem right to me…" Shino looked surprised, not that you could really tell being that he was wearing his sunglasses and his collar was up so high.

            "Lee…you already agreed to this. We need to sabotage Sakura and Naruto's date. That way, you can have Sakura, and I get Naruto." 

            "I know Shino, I know…but still, putting bugs in Sakura's ramen seems a little extreme…why not put them in Naruto's ramen instead?"

            "Because Naruto wouldn't notice and he would eat them." 

            "Oh…I guess you're right. But why do I have to do this Shino? They're your bugs, you put them in the ramen!"

            "You're the only one fast enough!" 

            "All right…" And with that Lee was off. Shino remained behind to pray for the souls of the bugs that were to be sacrificed in the name of love. 

            "AIEEE! There's a BUG in this ramen!" Sakura jumped up and away from the bowl of ramen, shuddering all over from the bug that had made its way into her food. Naruto casually leaned over, picked the bug out and examined it between his chopsticks.

            "Oi, Sakura-chan, come here and look at this." 

            "NO! I'm not getting near that gross little thing!"

            "I think this is one of Shino's bugs…" 

            "Shino's bugs…you mean, more sabotage?" 

            "That's what I'm thinking…The ramen bar is way too good of a restaurant to let bugs get in the food!" Naruto released the ramen covered bug then checked to make sure Sakura's food had no more bugs in it. 

            "No more," reported Naruto, "so you can go ahead and keep eating Sakura." Sakura looked positively disgusted as Naruto offered her the ramen again.

            "I think I've lost my appetite…" 

            "Suit yourself!" Naruto said with a grin as he ate what remained of Sakura's ramen. Sakura just shook her head. Boys could be so gross sometimes. Sakura started back towards her seat.

            Or rather, she tried to anyway. 

            Lee returned to Shino and the two of them sat and watched Naruto and Sakura's date from a distance. 

            "Quick Lee! Gaara's already on step two! Kiba's going to be moving in any second now and you need to be down there for step four!" Lee blinked and turned, his own eyes confirming what Shino's saw as he took off back towards Sakura.

            Sakura meanwhile was struggling with the fact her feet had been trapped by what appeared a good amount of sand. 

            "Naruto! Naruto….help me out here!" The blond ninja looked up from Sakura's ramen to notice what was going on. He noticed Gaara standing a few feet away, not even bothering to conceal himself as the sand poured out from the gourd in his back. Naruto moved to help Sakura when something small darted around by his feet. Naruto blinked and looked up to see Akamaru sitting a few feet away with a rope in his mouth. Naruto looked down to see that when the puppy had been running around, it had been looping the rope around Naruto's legs. 

            "Why you…" Naruto moved towards the puppy, who suddenly yanked hard on the rope, causing it to tighten around Naruto's legs suddenly. Naruto crashed right down into the ground. Naruto looked around and thought he saw Kiba in the shadows, no doubt holding the other end of the rope that was so tightly binding Naruto. 

            Naruto could only watch helplessly as Ino showed up with Hinata and Neji. She used her favorite jutsu to take over Sakura's mind. Naruto blinked as Sakura signaled to Gaara, who released the bonds, then took off running with Sakura's body. Hinata mumbled a quick apology to Naruto, then she and Neji carried off Ino's body to a safer location. 

            Gaara walked over and taking full advantage of the tied-up Naruto, planted a soft kiss on the boy's forehead before strolling off casually as if nothing had happened. Akamaru barked and ran off, but Naruto still found himself tangled up in the ropes. 

            "Hold still…I'll get you out. How stupid can you get, getting all tangled up in a rope like this?" Naruto looked back to see Sasuke untangling the ropes from Naruto's feet.

            "Hey Shino, what's Uchiha doing down there?" Neji asked, still supporting Ino's limp form on his back.

            "Yeah, Uchiha Sasuke was not part of your plan, was he?" Gaara added. Shino shook his head and sighed.

            "Who cares about Uchiha? Mission: Sabotage Sakura's date has been successful." 

            Iruka sighed from the rooftop as he and the silver-haired jounin Kakashi watched the scene from below.

            "I guess we'll be deducting points from everyone except Shikamaru and Sakura, huh?"

            Kakashi shook his head. 

            "Nah…We need to deduct points from Shikamaru too. He's not here now, but this sort of plan has his name written all over it."

            Iruka sighed. This was so weird.

            Author's Commentary: I hope people are still reading this…NaruSaku fans, I apologize for their date going so badly, but it was needed for plot device! GaaraNaru fans who are reading my other fic "Monster" look for the next chapter really soon, ok?


	8. Naruto's First Kiss

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by the Carpet Shampoo

Author's Commentary: Its as I feared…No one is reading this anymore. Makes me kind of sad…I'll keep this going a little bit longer, but if no ones' reading this, I got other ideas I can work on….You know, if my assumption is correct that no one's reading this, am I just talking to myself? Does that make me crazy? ^^ See what happens when I get no reviews!? 

Uh by the way. No one seems to be rooting for Ino x Naruto, so I'm going to have some fun with them for a bit. 

Chapter 8: Naruto's first real kiss.

            "Ino…why is our date in front of Sasuke's house?" 

            "What are you talking about silly? It's a picnic!" 

            "I can see it's a picnic…a picnic in front of Sasuke's house." 

            "Yeah, uh huh Naruto, now eat your ramen," said Ino, her gaze completely locked on Sasuke's house as she picked up an empty ramen container and handed it to Naruto. Naruto had no idea it was possible, but Ino had managed to eat her ramen faster than Naruto. He was still only about half-way through while her's was gone. The blond haired girl stared out at Sasuke's house.

            "Ooh Ooh! Naruto, look! Sasuke's by the window…Omigosh…He's coming out the door! Quick Naruto!"

            "Huh? Quick what?" But just then the blond haired boy was cut off as Ino tackled him down to the ground and pressed her lips against his. Naruto barely had time to comprehend what was happening before Ino pulled away again.

            "Did Sasuke see? Does he look jealous?" Ino struggled to see  for a moment before she squealed with excitement. "Ooh, Naruto, he looks so jealous! Ooh I just knew he liked me, I just knew it!" Naruto sat up and stared at her. This was far, far worse than his date with Sakura. 

            "Uh, Ino…I think I'm gonna head home now, okay?"

            "That's nice Naruto."

            "Yeah…I gotta go make-out with Shikamaru."

            "That's great Naruto."

            "Yeah, and Gaara and me were gonna have hot sex."

            "Uh huh, that's nice Naruto."

            "Yeah, Sasuke was going to join us." Ino turned around.

            "What about Sasuke?"

            "Uh…isn't that him in the upstairs window?" Ino jumped up and began squinting.

            "Ooh ooh, where?" Naruto sighed and walked away. 

            Iruka sighed and leaned up against Kakashi.

            "Damn, I'm out 200 yen…I bet Gai that Shino would have the worst time trying to be romantic with Naruto, but sheesh – no one could ever beat this!"

            "In the world of ninja's, I've seen some pretty un-romantic couples, but this one takes the cake." 

            "Uchiha Itachi would be more romantic…" Iruka joked.

            "What about Orochimaru?" The two ninjas looked over at each other and laughed at the thought of Itachi or Orochimaru attempting at being romantic.

            Gai sat in the background, watching the whole scene.

            "Young love is the most wonderful thing…but you two are getting old, so get a room!" 

            Naruto arrived later that evening at a small restaurant to find both Shino and Kiba waiting for him. Naruto blinked for a moment, Kiba was scowling, and Shino looked oblivious.

            "Why is Shino here…?" Naruto asked cautiously. Kiba scowled even deeper.

            "I don't know! He just showed up here and said he was going on a date with you too tonight!" Naruto shrugged. He really didn't see too much of a problem with this. 

            "Let's just go then, ok?" Naruto stepped forward, placing his body in between the two boys and stepped towards the restaurant. 

            "I'm sorry sirs…but no dogs are allowed," said a snot-nosed man waiting by the door.

            "What dog?" asked Kiba, who happened to be holding Akamaru at the time. 

            "That dog…" said the man, pointing at Akamaru. Kiba gasped and hugged Akamaru to his chest.

            "Akamaru's not a dog, he's family!" The snot-nosed man stared at Kiba for a moment.

            "Well…he's violating our no shirt, no shoes, no service policy." 

            "Well of course he is! What kind of dog wears shirts and shoes?"  

            "I'm sorry boys, but I'll have to ask you to leave…" The three boys walked away, Kiba still comforting Akamaru, insisting to the dog that it wasn't his fault, that the boys had left cause the restaurant was stupid. 

            "You know they're not getting away with this right?" Naruto said, "Akamaru's such a well-behaved dog, his table manners are better than mine!"

            Kiba nodded; he couldn't really disagree with this. 

            "So here's the plan guys…" Naruto pulled the boys into a huddle. 

            A few minutes later, the boys were outside the back door that leads into the kitchen. Lucky for them, the restaurant was pretty small and there was only one chef, two when the place got busy. Outside the door, Akamaru was sniffing intently, along with Kiba.

            "Coast is clear…" Kiba said at last. Shino, rather reluctantly handed over a jar filled with bugs to Naruto, wiping at his eye under his glasses as he did so. Naruto grinned and snuck into the kitchen, trying his best to keep absolutely quiet. There was a big pot of something cooking on the stove. Naruto opened the jar and dropped in a handful of bugs. Then he slipped bugs in a whole bunch of plates he saw waiting to be delivered by the waiters. He heard a bark from outside, a signal that the chef was approaching and quickly dumped the rest of the bugs on the floor before running out of there, just barely avoiding being caught. 

            "Let's get out of here, quick!" Naruto hissed as the first sound of a woman's scream came from inside the restaurant. 

            Uchiha Itachi sat over his desk, pondering what ways he could torture his little brother next. Naturally, as good minions do, his minions had kept him updated on the happenings of Konoha village. 

            And just recently, Itachi had caught wind of a very unusual contest…

Author's Commentary: Woot! 3 dates in one chapter! Sorry, I felt like the plot was dragging. The pace quickens, the plot thickens and all that jazz. Stay tuned for…Shikamaru's date! That is…if its not too troublesome for him to get up. 


	9. Laziness and Letters

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by the Carpet Shampoo

Author's Commentary: I just love you guys so much! I wrote another chapter, that's two in one day! Plus an update to Monster! Plus a new fic, Sasuke Lovers Anonymous [this ones going out to my shounen-ai fans! Luv you guys!] You guys totally rocked, you sent in so many reviews to assure me you were reading the story. Please don't stop now??  I've been so sick these past few days and you guy's reviews cheered me right up! I'm still sick, so if something sounds weird in this chapter, I apologize.

And as for Ino, she's a sneaky fickle girl. ^^ 

Chapter 9: Laziness and Letters.

            Shikamaru sighed. It was just the perfect day for cloud watching. Unfortunately, he could not waste the entire day as he had a date with Naruto. Shikamaru had been pondering where to take Naruto all day. There was his favorite cloud watching spot…his favorite sunset watching spot…his own house for a nice round of Go or chess. But nothing really seemed to Naruto like. 

            So Shikamaru figured he'd just take Naruto out and buy him some ramen. After all, that's what Naruto liked, didn't he? Its was simple, easy, and he'd be home in time to play a quick round of Go with his dad. 

            "Perfect…" Shikamaru thought to himself as he stood up, dusted himself off, and went off in search of Naruto…

            Kakashi leaned up against Iruka.

            "Typical Shikamaru…pick the easiest date out there, and the shortest…"

            "But oddly enough, Naruto seems to be enjoying himself the most on this date."

            "…Damn Shikamaru. Why does he have to be so smart? Iruka, you could take Naruto on a date like this and he'd have just as much fun…"

            "A date with Naruto…? But I'd make you too jealous…"

            "I'm still here you know!"

            "Did you hear something Iruka dearest?"

            "Not a thing."

            "Mmm…two bowls of double pork and a big bowl of Miso ramen as dessert…This is the best date ever Shikamaru!"

            "Only you would consider ramen a dessert…"

            "But it's the best food ever! Even you could eat it Shikamaru, cause it takes almost no effort to make!" 

            Shikamaru smiled wryly at the blond boy and stood up.

            "I'll be taking my leave now Naruto…Konohamaru's coming around with the next task for we contestants to do and I might need my energy..."    
            "Sure you will…Later Shikamaru!" 

            "Later." 

            "All right contestants, here's the lowdown. We currently have a tie in leadership between Gaara and Shikamaru. Gaara, because he was the most romantic, and Shikamaru, as he was the only one to pick a date Naruto would enjoy, rather than one they would enjoy," Kakashi said, "Its very important to look underneath the underneath here…"

            "Second of all," added Konohamaru, "We've decided on what you have to do next. The most romantic of all…love letters and presents!" 

            Iruka nodded. "Each one of you will buy or make a present for Naruto and write him a personal letter." 

            "A letter of utmost Love and Devotion! Unfortunately, Lee is under a vow that he shall not help you draft a letter, despite his vast romantic knowledge!" 

            Everyone looked around at each other nervously, Gai kind of freaked them out at times…

            ~Itachi Interlude~

            "A letter writing contest, hm? This one I can actually participate in. Hm…How should I start this letter? Minion! Dictate!

            "My dear Sasuke…Wait, no scratch that out. Write Naruto instead…My dear Naruto, I'm only doing this to piss off Sasuke. Is that a good opening? Hm…Now. Where was I? Oh yes…My dear Naruto, I'm only doing this to piss off Sasuke. I think you're hot. Is that a good word? Perhaps I should use sexy, or adorable…Do boys like being called adorable? Together, you and I could be the sexiest team of S-rank criminals ever…No offense minion, but you're just not that good looking…I, of course, would be the most sexy, as I am the great and powerful Itachi…."

            ~Orochimaru Interlude~

            "You there! Come over here before I eat you!" 

            "Yes Orochimaru-sama…"

            "I need you to dictate a letter for me. Address it to Uzumaki Naruto…" 

            "Ahem. Dear Hot Lover… 

            Whenever I think about you, its never thoughts that children like you should know about…"

            ~Kiba~

            "Dear Naruto,

                        You remind me of a puppy…so sweet and innocent and cute. I haven't felt nearly this good since the first time I help Akamaru in my arms…

            ~Shino~

            Shino sat down with a sheet of paper and happily sketched out a picture of two bugs for letter to Naruto.

            ~Ino~

            "Dear Sasuke…

            ~Shikamaru~

Shikamaru lay asleep on the couch, not even having heard what they said the next task was about.

~Gaara~

"Dear Naruto…"

"We are the only ones in this competition who will ever understand each other…There is no one for me but you, and no one for you but me…We share the same soul…"

~Sakura~

"Dear Ino-pig, 

I'm going to kill you for ruining Naruto's and my date!  After I write this letter to you, I'm going to write the perfect love letter to Naruto, and then you'll be sorry!"

~Naruto~

"Dear Shikamaru,

Dude! Thanks so much for the ramen! I really owe you big time for dinner like that. We'll have to hang out sometime and do one of those boring things only you do, like play Go or chess…

            ~Hinata~

            "Dear Naruto…."

            At this point Hinata blushed like crazy and was unable to continue writing.

            ~Neji~ 

            "Dear Naruto…

            blah blah blah FATE blah blah, something something evil, something FATE, blah blah Main House blah blah blah Branch House, blah blah blah FATE EVIL, blah blah FATE…

Author's Commentary: WooT! Two chapters in one night! Though technically its past midnight…but close enough! The end parts of all the letters are coming, you'll see…

Look underneath the underneath.

The underneath.

((Now look underneath it and see…The Review Button! Now what could that be telling you…?))

his his


	10. What lies beneath Part 1

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by the Carpet Shampoo

Author's Commentary: So sorry its been so long here! But there was exams and there was...so much to do. Then there was Mother's Day to plan for…

But I'm updating now!

Chapter 10: What lies beneath…

"All right genins!" Kakashi addressed the group. Shikamaru gave a little cough and glanced up at Kakashi. "And chuunin," Kakashi added, "It is time to present your gifts and letters to Naruto! This has been a test of not only your love for Naruto, but also, of your ninja abilities to look underneath the underneath!"

"Ahem. All letters will be read, however, we had to confiscate the gifts of Orochimaru, Itachi and Gaara." Kakashi finished up.

"Orochimaru and Itachi sent me gifts…?" Naruto asked, blinking at Kakashi. "But why were they confiscated?"

"Well…Itachi's gift we assumed would be dangerous, so we just threw it out. Orochimaru's gift, well, we took the liberty of at least opening that…" Kakashi suddenly got an odd look in his eye, one that Naruto and Sasuke recognized. It was the look Kakashi got whenever he was reading _Icha Icha Paradise_. Kakashi cleared his throat. "Well, naturally the gift was highly inappropriate for a child, but Iruka and I were more than happy to confiscate to it!"

Everyone looked slightly disgusted, except for Naruto and Hinata, who both looked utterly confused.

"And Gaara had his gift confiscated because it consisted of several highly illegal weapons, scrolls for banned jutsus, and a dead skunk." Gaara nodded at each item, grinning rather creepily at the mention of the dead skunk.

"Now!" Gai boomed in an overly loud voice, "Present your gifts!" Everyone held out a gift, except Gaara, naturally, who seemed to be sulking over the whole ordeal.

It was decided Hinata should go first. She shyly approached Naruto, twiddling her bandaged thumbs, trying hard not to meet his eyes. Everyone else was shooed away, giving Hinata a few moments alone with Naruto. Hinata shyly handed Naruto a soft brown teddy bear, with dark eyes, and a silky green ribbon to go with it. Naruto took the bear and studied it for a moment, the glanced at Hinata, a nervous look in his eye.

"What's this?" Naruto, having grown up alone, had never had such a bear before and wasn't quite sure what to do with it.

"It's a bear. It keeps you company when you're alone…" Hinata had grown up with hundreds of them, all of them watching over her as she slept. But this one was special –she had made it herself, just for Naruto.

"You tie the ribbon on it and give it a name…" Hinata added, twisting her hands together. Naruto studded it for a moment, then tied the ribbon around the bear's forehead.

"There! Now it's a ninja of Konoha! See how brave it looks now Hinata?" Hinata giggled softly. The bear did somehow look braver with the ribbon tied around its forehead. Its soft look had somehow faded.

"It's a brave ninja…Just like us. So that's why its name is Hinata." Hinata blushed terribly red. She hadn't even mentioned it, but the legend went, if you made a bear for someone and they named it after you, that person would return your love forever.

But then again – Naruto had also tied the ribbon on wrong. Maybe that would counteract the magic of the bear! Oh…this was terrible…

"Plus it smells like you…you made it yourself, right Hinata? So now as long as the bear Hinata is brave, you will be too." Hinata nodded, trying to keep from smiling too much – the bear smelled like her because she'd lightly sprayed it with her favorite perfume, to remind Naruto of her.

With trembling hands, Hinata reached into her pocket and pulled out a letter. She handed it to Naruto, with a slight pink blush.

Naruto opened it up, stared at for a minute, and then turned pink, handing it back to Hinata.

"Hinata-chan…I'm sorry, but you're letter is all in kanji…I can't read it." Hinata blinked and looked down at her letter.

"Naruto-kun…" Hinata blushed and opened up her letter.

"D-Dear Naruto…" her voice was soft and nervous sounding, her hands trembled, and her eyes refused to leave the paper, but she read on, "I don't even know what to write here. I've got this whole blank sheet of paper, a heart full of feelings and nothing to say. Its so strange…Suddenly, everyone wants to be with you, and I feel so alone. I've liked you since I've met you, and sometimes I feel upset around the other people, because I'm the only one that can say I've always liked you Naruto. When I'm with you Naruto, I feel so shy and scared. But at the same time, when you're with me, I want to be brave. Signed, Hyuuga Hinata."

"I didn't know you ever liked me Hinata…" Hinata blinked and looked up at Naruto. Was he serious? All those times she blushed around him, and shied away from him, he had no idea?

"Really Naruto? No idea at all?" Naruto shook his head, his eyes so wide, innocent and sincere. Hinata giggled softly and shook her head. She could hear Iruka-sensei calling her back; her time with Naruto was up.

Kakashi thought it would be fun for Shino to go next, secretly, he hoped the bug ninja would win. For the record, Iruka secretly wanted Shikamaru to win, Konohamaru wanted Neji to win, though no one was sure why. And Gai didn't want anyone to win. He didn't have to. He _knew_ that Rock Lee would win. Even if he wasn't in the contest. Even if Lee didn't even have romantic feelings for Naruto. Lee would still win.

So Shino entered in next. He smiled in an expression of great pride as he held his gift. He had finally thought up something on his own.

Of course, to Naruto, it looked like Shino was expressionless as so much of his face was covered up. As a matter of fact, with that high collar and dark glasses, added to the package Shino had tucked under his arm, it looked downright suspicious. Shino walked up to Naruto and thrust the gift out to him.

Naruto cautiously accepted the package, still thinking it would be a bomb or something, but then decided it would probably be the same thing he was getting from Kiba and Kiba wouldn't send him a bomb.

Shino reached foreword and tapped Naruto's hand.

"You have to open the letter first." Naruto cautiously opened the letter, afraid to find it all written in kanji again. Instead, it was a picture of two bugs. Shino smiled proudly at his picture, but once again, you couldn't see his expression.

Naruto blinked at the picture once more. They looked like Shino's bugs on the picture…except they had both obviously been drawn in crayon, and one had huge blue eyes and bright yellow hair, not to mention an adorable, albeit slightly disturbing grin. Plus it was holding hands with a bug that appeared to have an afro and was wearing little sunglasses. The chibi bugs were expertly drawn, with a poorly drawn purple heart above them.

"And this!" Shino gently handed Naruto the package he had been holding. Naruto pulled off the wrapping paper inside to reveal every twelve year olds dream.

Yes that's right, Shino had gotten Naruto his very own pet tarantula. Naruto's big blue eyes widened, his thoughts already filled with what he was going to do with this spider. Most of these thoughts involved Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Neji. Shino grinned at Naruto, and even though all Naruto could see was the slight twitching in the boy's cheeks, he knew Shino was smiling, so he smiled back.

"You picked this out yourself?" Shino nodded, still feeling proud of himself.

"Shino? Your time is –"

"Hey Iruka-sensei, look what Shino got me!" Naruto had already removed the spider from its big glass class and shoved it right up in Iruka's face.

"Isn't it cool?"

Iruka promptly fainted.

Author's Commentary: I had to make this a split chapter! It was just so long!! So that's why it seems short, its only part one of the chapter. I'm sorry the update took so long, but I've been sick this whole time!

And my birthday's coming up in only a few weeks! I'm gonna be 17! June 3rd, who's getting me a present, huh, huh?


	11. Chapter 10 and a half: Sasuke Interlude

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by The Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: Not mine…

Author's Commentary: This chapter is for Goddess-of-da-Cheeseburgers. Why? Because its her birthday. That's why.

Chapter 10 and ¾: A Sasuke Interlude

            Somewhere off in the distance, Iruka had just fainted. But this is unimportant at the moment, as Iruka can be a silly little man who faints and blushes at random intervals. More importantly, at the precise moment Iruka his the ground, Sasuke opened the front door of the Uchiha house and let in a strange visitor, a man who said he could help Sasuke.

            This man, was Rock Lee, a self-proclaimed love-god, for whom Sasuke had turned to for help.

            As Rock Lee was the only one who hadn't followed hopelessly in love with Naruto, Sasuke turned to him for advice.

            "So that's how it is…" Sasuke muttered to himself, "I like Naruto, but I can't let him know I like him."

            "But why not?" Lee asked, not quite following Sasuke's logic here.

            "Because then he'll know I like him!" Sasuke yelled back. Really, Lee could be quite so sometimes, at least according to Sasuke.

            "But if he never knows you like him, then how is he supposed to know that he's supposed to like you?" Lee asked, still not understanding.

            "But he'll know I like him if I tell him… I need to find out if he likes me without him knowing that I like him." Sasuke stared at Lee. Why had he gone to this guy of all people for help?

            "All right then…Well, of all the people fighting for Naruto, you've definitely got the best looks," Lee pondered thoughtfully.

            "Naturally, I did…" Sasuke said, "until my older brother Itachi joined…" Sasuke sadly trudged over to a shelf and pulled a silver and black picture frame off it. He dragged his feet back over to Lee, sulking the whole time, and showed him the picture. Lee stared at it for a moment, before his eyes grew wide.

            "Its close, but you're older brother is hotter than you Sasuke. You've lost your only winning quality! Now it is hopeless in your quest for Naruto!" Lee brought the back of his hand up to his forehead and posed dramatically. Sasuke just glared at him and snatched the picture back.

            "Yeah, thanks for not rubbing it in or anything…" the midnight haired ninja muttered sarcastically. Lee stopped his dramatic posing and looked sheepish for a minute.

            "You should have just joined the competition…" Lee said, softly though, so Sasuke wouldn't get too mad.

            "For the last time Lee, if I did that Naruto would know that I liked him!"

            "So what are you going to do – sabotage the competition? Overpower the other competitors with your sexiness and make them like you instead of Naruto? Steal gifts or ruin dates?"

            Sasuke paused for a moment, and slowly the anger faded from him, as his eyes went from angry, to curious…to a final odd, almost happy look.

            "Lee…that's perfect…I'll sabotage everything…Everyone loved me before, I'll make them do it again! I'll steal gifts and ruin dates!"

            "Sasuke, that's just mean! As Konoha's self-proclaimed love-god, I cannot let you do that."

            "You can have Sakura."

            "Wh-what?"

            "Sakura. After I've got Naruto, you can have Sakura."

            "I will not be bribed!"

            "All right. Then I get Naruto AND Sakura!" Rock Lee stared up at the smirking Sasuke. Any other person, save Itachi as he's more handsome, and Lee would have laughed in their face. But Sasuke – Sasuke could have Naruto and Sakura, if he so pleased.

            "Fine…I won't stop you."

            "And you'll help me…?" Sasuke pressed on.

            "And I'll help you!" Lee agreed.

            "All right, let's go…"

            The two fastest ninjas in Konoha were down with the others in no time. They snuck in and saw Neji, Shikamaru, Ino, Sakura, Kiba, Gaara and Hinata all hanging around, gifts casually spread around the room. Sasuke glanced around. Sakura and Ino were both arguing near a door and trying to shove their way through, each one tightly clutching their gift. Shikamaru, too, was standing near his gift.

            Sasuke reached towards Kiba's gift, left unguarded, but when he touched it, he felt it move under his hand. He withdrew quickly and went towards the only other unguarded gift – Neji's. It didn't move and it wasn't guarded, so Sasuke snatched it quickly and stuffed it under his shirt. He looked around, but didn't see any other gifts. He assumed Naruto must have already gotten Gaara and Hinata's, or else they didn't have any. He looked off and saw Rock Lee signaling to him. Lee's job had been to signal Sasuke when it was safe to move.

            Sasuke wasted no time getting out of there with Neji's gift. Sure, it wasn't exactly sabotage…but it would sure make Neji upset.

            Sasuke could see the whole scene in his mind…

            "What? Neji, you come bearing no gift for me?" Naruto would exclaim in that loud obnoxious voice, "But I wanted to date a handsome dark haired shinobi. Who was a boy!" Naruto would continue.

            "But I cannot go out with you Hyuuga Neji, you have no gift! I must date another dark haired shinobi, like Sasuke! He's more handsome and dark haired then you anyway!" Naruto would yell as he ran off, conveniently forgetting that Shino, Kiba and Shikamaru, Itachi and Orochimaru all had dark hair.

            Sasuke grinned to himself. That's exactly how it should be when Naruto realized Neji had no gift for him.

            Lee looked at Sasuke, and watched as his expression changed, from a lost daydreaming expression to a rather maniacal and sadistic grin. Lee backed off, and wondered if he was right trusting Sasuke like this. He wanted Sakura but…

            Maybe it was just the red eyes of the Sharingan, or maybe it was the fact that one of their clan had killed off the rest, but Lee always secretly wondered if maybe insanity ran in the Uchiha clan. Sasuke certainly seemed that way now…

            At the exact time Lee had realized Sasuke might be crazy, Ino and Sakura had fully pushed their way through the door and Shino had barely escaped with his life. They were preparing to present their gifts to Naruto, who was beginning to feel a little bit frightened himself. Neji hadn't noticed his gift was missing, Kiba had begun a game of fetch with Akamaru, and Shikamaru had fallen asleep and was lightly drooling on a piece of paper that he had been holding.

            Iruka was still unconscious, but Kakashi had rescued him, and Gai was giving a lecture on why it was wrong for Kakashi to molest Iruka in front of kids, and more importantly, while Iruka was unconscious.

            Itachi too, was sleeping, and looking devilishly hot while doing it. Orochimaru was washing the remnants of one of his minions off his face, having finally gone through with his threats of eating his minions.

            And so ends the Sasuke Interlude.


	12. Close Encounters of a Sasuke Kind

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by the Carpet Shampoo

Author's Commentary: I went to Fanime 2004! And I turned 17. Exciting, no? lol, I went to Fanime dressed as Gaara of the Sand. Some of my favorite author's just updated, so I decided no matter how long it took, I would update tonight!

Chapter 11: A Close Encounter of the Sasuke Kind

            Naruto blinked and stared at the two shirts in front of him. He frowned slightly for a moment, and looked back and forth between the shirts. Finally, he looked up and stared at the two girls.

            "Um…both shirts are the same…" Naruto pointed at the two shirts that each girl held out to him as gifts.

            "Mine's better!" the two exclaimed at the same time. Ino and Sakura looked at each other and glared, throwing the shirts at Naruto and storming out. Naruto sighed and picked up each navy blue shirt and studied them. He flipped them over and grinned, noticing that on the back of each shirt, was the red and white Uchiha fan.

            Kiba poked his head in next.

            "You gotta open my gift quickly. 'Sides, I'm the last to come in here. Neji's somehow lost his gift, and Shikamaru says if you want a gift from him, you have to come get it yourself. But like I said, you gotta open mine quick, because its already chewed through most of the paper." Kiba handed Naruto a wiggling package. The gift wasn't that much of a surprise…you could already see the white and brown puppy chewing the wrapping paper.

            Naruto stared at Kiba incredulously. "You wrapped a puppy?" Kiba blinked and looked at the dog.

            "Aren't you supposed to wrap gifts?" he asked, scratching at the top of his head.

            "Not live ones! Not puppies!"

            "Ohh…Oops. Is the puppy ok?"

            "Yeah he seems fine…" Kiba seemed relieved. 

            "Anyway Naruto…I just thought you'd like a dog. I talked to Iruka-sensei and he said that you grew up by yourself. And I thought about how lonely I would be if I didn't have anyone around. And so I tried to think of ways to help you out. But then it hit me! I realized I was never alone, because I always had Akamaru around to be my friend. So, now I got you a friend, so you never have to be alone either…Naruto? Hey, are you ok?"

            Naruto had turned around holding the little brown puppy, squirming as it was, up against him. His normally calm eyes were bright with tears over Kiba's thoughtful gesture towards him.

            "Thanks Kiba…You should really stop by my apartment sometime, and teach me how to take care of this guy." Naruto blinked away his tears, and turned around with his brightest grin for Kiba.

            "Well, I better go see what Shikamaru has got for me! Come on!" Kiba grinned to Naruto and the two of them stepped out to where everyone had been.

            …But no one was there anymore.

            "Huh? Where is everyone?"

            "Surprise!" Suddenly, everyone jumped out from where they'd been hiding, nearly scaring the living daylights out of Naruto.

            Shikamaru was standing in the corner, looking bored as anything, but he held in his hand a birthday cake and a store bought birthday card. The cake, naturally, was made by his mother, not him.

            "Happy birthday. This is my gift to you." The lazy ninja said, holding out the cake to Naruto.

            "I've never had a birthday cake before…" Naruto stated in wonder, looking at the cake in awe. Shikamaru stood there, still holding it, and looking annoyed at each passing second.  Finally, he shoved the cake into Naruto's arms, forcing the blond boy to hold it.

            "About time…my arms were starting to hurt."

            "By the way Naruto…" Kakashi added, "You were too off guard there. You should have sensed us in hiding." Naruto stuck out his tongue at his sensei and took off a bit of icing, and flicked it at him. Kakashi didn't even blink, he simply moved the unconscious Iruka in the way, using the other ninja as a human shield.

            At the moment, Naruto's new puppy, still tucked under one arm, leaned forward and took a big bite out of the cake.

            Also at this moment, Ino noticed the rather large spider on Naruto and screamed. This was followed by screams from Sakura, Neji, and Gai. Hinata gave a startled gasp and moved back, tripping over Shino and knocking them both over.

            Shortly after Hinata fell, Naruto sat down and shared the cake with his new puppy, along with Kiba and Akamaru, who were the only ones still willing to eat it after the puppy licked it. Kiba began talking about how he and Akamaru shared food all the time.

            Overall, it was rather chaotic, with Ino and Sakura clinging to each other to avoid the spider. And Kakashi had a dazed Iruka on his lap, trying to convince him that he had not fainted from a spider, but rather from Kakashi's awesome sexiness. Shikamaru had somehow managed to fall asleep.

            _And…_Naruto thought to himself…_maybe this whole thing isn't so weird after all. _

            That evening, Naruto was taking his new puppy, now lovingly referred to as 'stupid mutt', out on a walk as Kiba suggested. The puppy walked close to Naruto, occasionally trotting off a little ways, but still staying close to Naruto. Naruto imagined Kiba must have given the puppy some sort of training…or more likely with Kiba and his family, he just told the dog what to do and the dog understood.

            _Sniff_…Naruto heard the noise distinctly, a soft sniffle that he recognized to be someone trying to hide the fact they were crying. Naruto turned around and saw, half-hidden behind a tree, a few locks of bubblegum pink hair.

            _Sakura-chan? But why?_

            "Sakura-chan?" Naruto called out softly…taking a few steps towards her. There was no response. Naruto took a few steps forward and saw that the figure sitting there was indeed Sakura.

            "N-Naruto! I didn't see you…" Sakura quickly wiped away at her eyes, but Naruto could still see where they had been red from crying.

            "Sakura-chan, what's wrong?" Naruto quickly sat down next to the pink haired girl, his blue eyes wide with concern.

            "Nothing Naruto its just…" her pale green gaze moved out across the field and Naruto saw, in the distance, two small figures involved in some sort of mock fight. Naruto realized by the bright green that one figure was obviously Lee. It took him a moment to figure out the other one was Sasuke.

            "Is it Sasuke?" Sakura shook her head, but Naruto saw the tears in her eyes forming again.

            "Oh Naruto, its not just Sasuke, its everything!"

            "…You still like Sasuke?" Naruto asked.

            "I do…But then one day Ino came up to me and she told me that she liked you. Well…I didn't think it was true. I think it was just a plot to make Sasuke jealous or something…"

            Naruto thought this over and decided it made sense. He sat quietly and let Sakura continue.

            "Well…I didn't think it was right. You're my teammate Naruto and I had to look out for you. Ino is…well look at her! She's so pretty and she can act so charming at times. I figured you'd have no trouble falling for her. And I didn't want to see you get hurt Naruto. So I um…said I liked you too. So you wouldn't fall for Ino."

            "Sakura-chan…" Naruto reached out and gently put one arm around the girl. She quickly fell into his arms, crying on his shoulder.

            "But I still like Sasuke-kun! And I know he's a jerk to me…He's never nice to me, or talks to me, he's usually outright cruel to me. But I can't help liking him so much…" Naruto patted Sakura's hair.  

            "Sakura-chan…you need to find someone else. Once you've got someone else to like, your feelings for Sasuke will fade, and you won't let yourself get treated the way Sasuke treats you. And as for Ino…She's pretty, I won't deny that. But Sakura-chan, you're still the prettiest girl in the whole village, in my opinion. And Sasuke's just dumb for not realizing how great you are. But you know…" Naruto's eyes moved so that he was looking out at where Sasuke and Lee were, "some people in this village have realized that…"

            Sakura moved her head up from Naruto's shoulder and followed his gaze. "Lee? But he's so…"

            "Weird-looking? Yeah I know. But I don't think there's anyone else in the village who would treat you nicer."

            "Hm…well…maybe if by the time I get over Sasuke, Lee has grown a little and looked more normal, I could develop some feelings for Lee." Sakura smiled up at Naruto, "Or maybe I could develop some feelings for you Naruto. You're a nice guy too." Naruto grinned at Sakura, his own special childish grin that she had always found obnoxious and wiped away the girl's tears.

            "Maybe Sakura! But no matter what, you can always come to me and talk, ok?" Sakura nodded and looked up at Naruto. Naruto bent foreword and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead and then stood up.

            "Well…I gotta go finish taking Stupid Mutt for his walk. I'll see you later Sakura-chan!"

            "Yeah…see you Naruto…"

            Author's Commentary: That took me forever! I had such a hard time writing Sakura like that! I wanted to make her more real, and not the 2-D character I feel she is portrayed all too often as. And as for Kiba…ain't he adorable? I love Kiba so much! Um…yeah. Lol, I actually wanted to do a fic revolving around that idea of Kiba giving Naruto a puppy. Wouldn't it just be adorable?


	13. Pride

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by the Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.

Author's Commentary: To the person who said the last chapter was not very funny, I apologize for trying to incorporate some form of plot in there. The last chapter received hardly any reviews at all, and I realized I'm losing inspiration fast on this story. So, if you didn't catch on with the Sakura and Naruto interaction…this story's going to be wrapping up soon. This here is not the last chapter, but its close. Time to through out the final twist[s].

Chapter 12: Pride

            There was a festival in Konoha that night, and Konoha's most eligible bachelor, Uzumaki Naruto, was there.

            Alone. As in…he had no date.

            But that was all right…Konoha's former most eligible bachelor, Uchiha Sasuke, was also there alone.

            Sasuke spoke first.

            "So…who are you waiting for?" The two of them stood outside Naruto's favorite ramen bar.

            "I'm not sure really…I thought I remembered someone telling me to wait here. I guess its probably Iruka-sensei, waiting to treat me to ramen. After all, why else would I be outside the ramen bar?"

            "Why else indeed…" Sasuke muttered, his voice suddenly sounding sulky.

            "Sasuke, are you ok?" Naruto turned to him with wide blue eyes, still vibrant, even against the setting sun.

            "I'm fine. Whatever. I'm out of this lame festival…" And with that Sasuke sullenly walked off.

            "Was it something I said…?" Naruto looked around, one last confused time for Iruka, but the only person nearby was Neji, standing with his silhouette against the setting sun, with a gentle breeze blowing through his hair.

            Naruto sniffed the delicious smell of ramen one last time, and then took off after Sasuke.

            He raced through the streets, ducking between people and at one point, nearly knocking over Ino. Muttering a quick apology, Naruto spotted Sasuke standing off with Lee. He crept up quietly and ducked down to prevent being seen.

            "I don't understand Uchiha. Why didn't you just tell him? I tell Sakura everyday I love her; it's really not that hard."

            Sasuke said something, but Naruto had to strain to hear it. He only caught the tail end of it.

            _Pride._

            "Pride?" Lee repeated, "You couldn't handle being rejected by Naruto, because it would be like losing to him and it would hurt your precious pride?" Naruto was thankful Lee spoke loud enough for good spying.

            "Uchiha Sasuke!" Lee drew himself up and launched into a Gai-sensei like speech, "Pride and Love should not be on the same scale with each other! Love is above Pride; it scorns and washes away pride. Before the one you love, you are in a state of humility; a state of ultimate respect and pride has no place there. And your love stands before you, in the same state!" Lee pointlessly posed and Sasuke stared at him. He blinked once, then returned to his stoic state and walked off.

            Naruto took a deep breath, gasping for air. Sasuke? Uchiha Sasuke of all people liked him? And couldn't tell him because of _pride_? 

            Now, Naruto had felt he had handled it pretty well, upon finding out that Neji, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru, Ino, Sakura, Itachi, Gaara and Orochimaru liked him. Well…at least said they liked him. But there was something different when he heard it from Sasuke. Naruto sat back, trying to think of just what that something different was, when all of the sudden, he felt a cool hand slip around his mouth. Something in Naruto's mind whispered 'snake' and then everything went black.

            Akamaru barked suddenly and loudly, causing Kiba and Hinata to jump.

            "Akamaru!" Kiba scolded. Hinata trembled and gripped Kiba's arm with a death grip. Loud noises did not suit her well. She and Kiba had run into each other here at the festival and decided to walk with each other. Akamaru had been quietly sleeping in Kiba's hood, or so they thought until he barked.

            Akamaru barked again, and then jumped down onto the ground and continued barking.

            "Akamaru! You're causing a scene…" Kiba hissed. Hinata looked around and blushed pink, indeed a group of people had gathered around. She noticed among them her teammate, Shino, had slowly pushed his way to the front. With her Byakugan, she could see all the people around her. Ino and Sakura stopped in, but stood a little bit further back in the crowd.

            She turned her head and noticed her cousin Neji had chosen to stand in her blind angle. But…Naruto was not there. Hinata glanced around again. She thought she spotted the spiky head of Shikamaru somewhere in the midst, and noticed a bright red spot skulking around near the back, which was Gaara.

            "Akamaru…" Kiba whispered, reaching down to touch the puppy.

            "Kiba…" Shino had reached the front and made his way over to his teammates, "Doesn't Akamaru bark that way when he senses something bad?" Kiba paused a moment and tilted his head to listen. Suddenly he jumped up and looked over at Shino.

            "You're right! And listen! I can hear the other dogs at home barking too."

            "That's teamwork…" Kakashi had worked his way to the front of the crowd, followed closely by Tsunade. 

            "Ninjas of Konoha, on your guard! I want jounins on patrol; chuunins travel in groups of two at the least. Genins, form a circle in the center here, I want all non-ninjas within there." Tsunade gave her order. "Is anyone missing?" Quite a crowd had gathered now, upon seeing Tsunade.

            Kiba and Shino scooped up Hinata and held her up so she was above the crowd. She gave a startled squeak as they did so, but understood there intent. She used her Byakugan to scan the crowd, having Kiba and Shino turn her slightly to check her blind angle.

            "Naruto-kun's not here!" She called down. "Uchiha Sasuke is missing as well." Whispers broke out all across the crowd. Tsunade paled slightly at the mention of Naruto's name, but she remained cool.

            "All right. Its no matter, they'll show up. Keep on the look out for the criminal Orochimaru and/or Uchiha Itachi, along with their associates. Stay calm, and stay in your places. Everybody, move!"

            The genins quickly formed a circle; Shikamaru among them and Kakashi scanned the group of civilians and children with his Sharingan, checking among them for imposters or hidden traps. Nothing.

            Shikamaru lead the genins in their circle. Neji and Hinata were positioned on opposite sides, each of their blind angles covered by the other Hyuuga. Sakura was placed in charge of keeping the children in line and calming them and the other people down. Lee and Gaara were also positioned on opposite sides, with Lee's speed he could reach anywhere and defend, and with Gaara's sand, he could as well. The two were ordered by Shikamaru to remain opposite of each other, but patrol slowly.

            Iruka waited patiently until Shikamaru had positioned the defense, then grabbed the chuunin, informing him they were going to look for more civilians.

            Sasuke had recognized the aura of Itachi before even Akamaru had barked. It had only taken him a few moments to find his older brother…

            …walking next to Orochimaru right out of Konoha.

            …holding Naruto's limp body between them.

            "They're not here Kakashi. You've searched all of Konoha personally. Itachi, Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto…They're all gone."  Tsunade touched the copy-nin on his shoulder and Kakashi sighed, covering up the Sharingan eye once more, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

            Tsunade announced the village was safe again, but kept a fair number of jounins on patrol anyway.

            Shikamaru returned to wear the genins were and found them all still there. Shino was rounding up his bugs, who he had sent searching the village. Akamaru, Stupid Mutt, and Kiba were all sniffing the ground, trying to pick up on Naruto's scent. Ino and Sakura were standing around looking worried and Gaara had created a pillar of sand. Neji and Hinata were standing at the top, looking out as far as they could in all directions to try and spot Naruto.

            "We're starting a Naruto and Sasuke search party and you're leading it." Ino said to Shikamaru as he showed up, speaking to him in her most bossy voice.

            "Too tiresome…Tsunade's going to figure out how to get him back."

            "Nara Shikamaru!! I said, YOU ARE LEADING IT!" Shikamaru blinked and stared up at Ino. For a girl, she sure was scary…

            "All right. We need a lead first…We had two strangers in here, who at one point found and took Naruto. Kiba and Akamaru, you need to find that different scent. Does anyone remember seeing either Naruto or Sasuke tonight?"

            "I saw Naruto and Sasuke…" a tiny voice spoke up. Shikamaru recognized the girl, though he didn't know her name. She worked down at the ramen bar and had been among the group of non-ninjas they were protecting.

            "Naruto-san and Sasuke-san were both standing outside. They spoke to each other, then Sasuke-san stormed off. Naruto-san followed a little while afterwards."

            "I also saw Sasuke tonight!" Lee interrupted, "We were talking, but then he walked off."

            Shikamaru further questioned both and determined that Lee had been the last person to see Sasuke, and the ramen girl was the last to see Naruto.

            "But Naruto was following Sasuke, so wherever Sasuke last was, Naruto wouldn't have been far behind." Lee lead them up to the spot where he and Sasuke had been talking and Shikamaru ordered Kiba and Akamaru to search the area.

            It wasn't long before…

            "Here! This is definitely where Naruto was! And there are two unfamiliar scents around it! It follows a little ways…And Akamaru says he's caught a trace of Sasuke's scent."

            "All right. Divide into two teams. One team will follow Akamaru and Sasuke's scent. The other team will follow Kiba and Naruto's. I'm sure we'll meet up on similar trails. Let's go."

            Author's Commentary: You guys wanted Itachi and Orochimaru, well here you go! What kind of horrible things do they have planned? How on Earth is this scene leading to the conclusion of this epic story?

BTW, if you want to fully understand the first part of this chapter…re-read the very end of the first chapter. It'll clear many things up.


	14. The Greatest Rescue Mission of All Time

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by the Carpet Shampoo

Author's Commentary: Yeah, I can't believe its updated either…

All right guys. If there's one thing that bugs me, its an author who goes 'This chappie is crap, plz read anyway!' Ok…if its crap, why post it? I didn't want to just B.S. a chapter, just to get an update done. My muse went on vacation. An extended vacation. But just today, she came back, whispering some all new ideas for this story. Sorry to make you wait, but who wants to read crap?

Chapter 13: The greatest rescue mission of all time

"All right…" Shikamaru stood before the genin's and looked each one over. It was their first night out, "Who's going to stand watch?"

Gaara of the Sand stood up. "I will."

"I'll take over after him!" Kiba burst in, secretly feeling he should be the leader over Shikamaru.

"I don't sleep. So even if you did take over, it would be rather pointless, as I would still be sitting awake."

"Oh yeah sand-boy? Well, maybe someone should keep guard to make sure you don't pull anything funny!" Kiba grinned. This midget redhead may have looked tough during the chuunin exams, but since he'd been hanging around Konoha, Kiba hadn't seen him try anything. Time to let him know who was really in charge around here.

Gaara appeared not to hear him. He simply sat down by the small fire and stared out in the darkness. The air around him seemed to shift uncomfortably, and Shikamaru noted the small bits of sand flying around, poised for attack.

Kiba stuck his tongue out at Gaara then went to the opposite side of the fire. He laid down on the ground, opening up his jacket enough so that Akamaru could crawl inside and sleep there. The two of them spoke briefly…Akamaru let out a soft bark, and Kiba responded by murmuring softly to him. Shikamaru watched it for a moment. If he didn't know better, he'd say it was some sort of touching, loving good night. Kiba sure was one weird kid.

He turned his eyes on Shino instead. He was crouched near the outside, sitting up against the tree. Shikamaru took a step towards him when Hinata jumped in front of him.

"Shino's sleeping!" she whispered, holding up her hands to stop Shikamaru. The shadow user raised his eyebrows and looked over at Shino. The guy still had his sunglasses on, and collar pulled up high. He looked exactly the same as he did when he was awake.

Hinata smiled serenely. "We're teammates…we know a lot about each other and – oh dear, all the talking must of woke him up. Sorry Shino, we'll be quiet." Hinata glared at Shikamaru, for a moment before turning back to Shino, who was still sitting quietly in the corner. He hadn't moved at all.

"What's that Shino? Oh! Good night to you too…." She paused for a moment here, as if Shino was actually saying something. Which as hard as Shikamaru tried, he could hear nothing. "Sweet dreams to you too." She smiled back at Shikamaru. "He's gone back to sleep." Shikamaru decided then that it wasn't just Kiba – the entire team was downright odd.

Meanwhile…

"I saw him first, so he's my pretty little blond boy!"

"You could of never captured him without my help."

"I don't care! I want Naruto. You can have Sasuke since he's here anyway."

"What would I want with Sasuke? He's my little brother. I can have him anytime I want. Besides, I thought you wanted Sasuke. You sent that whole thing to go get him and gave him a curse seal and everything."

"But I changed my mind…Now I want Naruto…"

"Wait, Sasuke's here?" Naruto's voice cut in and the two older men turned and looked at him.

"Yeah…he came to rescue you. Got caught about five minutes of being here. He's right over…hm…where'd he go?" Orochimaru looked around, clearly confused. Itachi glared at him.

"You were supposed to be watching him!" Itachi accused.

"I was watching Naruto, you were supposed to watch Sasuke!"

"I was watching Naruto!"

"Oh yeah, that's right…I was supposed to be watching Sasuke, huh?" Orochimaru said with a sudden look of remembrance.

"You idiot…We need to find him before he goes and gets help!"

"I'm an idiot? You're an idiot, idiot!"

It was at this point Naruto noticed he wasn't tied up or anything so he stood up slowly and began walking away. Before he could reach a safe escape point, Kabuto was standing there.

"Now now…no escaping from Orochimaru-sama."

"Good work Kabuto! Now, move my arms so I'm hugging him!" Naruto panicked and did the first move that came to mind.

"Sexy no Jutsu!" It probably wasn't the best move ever but…

Itachi turned away, looking bored. Women didn't interest him. Orochimaru wasn't interested either. Naruto's female form looked too old for his taste anyway. Kabuto however, promptly fainted dead away. Naruto ran for it. Hah…and to think Iruka told him this was a useless move…

Naruto paused at an intersection. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" He created three clones of himself. One went down the trail to his right, one went down the trail to his left, he ran forward and the final clone remained standing there to distract Orochimaru and Itachi.

The clone that ran down the right reached a dead end and disappeared. The one that ran down the left ran smack dab into Sasuke, who had (though he would never admit it) gotten lost in here. The clone knew Naruto was looking for Sasuke, so it reached out and grabbed Sasuke's hand, and running him back towards the direction it came from.

Itachi hadn't bothered to move, and just sent Kisame out to find Naruto. The shark ninja grabbed the Naruto clone still waiting in the intersection and dragged it back to Itachi. Just as he was reaching the room Itachi was in, Sasuke and another Naruto clone, still hand in hand went running down the hallway following the original Naruto.

The real Naruto had taken a wrong turn down at the end of the hallway and was now turning around. Sasuke and the Naruto clone made no such mistake and ran right out through the exit and…

…ran smack in their rescuers, who had just finished off the last of the guards. Hinata glanced at the two of them and blushed a deep red, turning away…and turning…and turning…until at last she managed to position them in her blind angle. Sasuke was panting and looking red in the face from running so much, and when they crashed, he'd landed on top of the Naruto clone. Everyone stared for a moment, then the real Naruto ran out, un-doing the jutsu and causing Sasuke (who was still sitting on the clone) to crash to the ground.

Kiba was the only one who could find words.

"Haha! Sasuke got laid by Naruto's clone!"

Author's Commentary: All right! Now let's hope people are still reading this fic!


	15. Or something like that

"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"

by The Carpet Shampoo

Author's Commentary: Sometimes, to get a story out, you simply must sit down and do it.

Chapter 14: Something like that…

"Aren't little kids in love the sweetest thing?"

"Who's in love here?" Iruka folded his arms together and turned to stare at the older jounin seated next to him.

"I am in love." Kakashi always said things bluntly, in a way that could make Iruka blush. The chuunin did just that and gently pushed the older man away.

"Stop it. No wonder these kids are acting weird – they have you as an example! I meant the kids. Who among these kids is in love?" Iruka turned and stared at the kids waiting in the hospital to visit the healers. Tsunade refused to believe any of them

"Oh, I have no idea. I was making conversation about children and love in general."

Iruka sighed and looked out over the children. What a strange bunch they all were. Iruka had always known how special Naruto was…it seemed the others had finally figured this out as well. Shikamaru still spent his days staring at the clouds. Iruka had decided he was much to lazy to ever be with Naruto. Naruto wanted to run and jump and play and have dreams and ambition, but Shikamaru wanted his average attention free life.

No. Naruto and Shikamaru could be good friends, perfect to compliment each other, but Shikamaru would never be able summon enough energy to keep up his energy.

Iruka shook his head. Not Shikamaru. Not for Naruto.

It was well known that the pink-haired Haruno Sakura had always been the object of Naruto's affection. It was also well known she had long despised him. It warmed Kakashi's heart to see those two finally getting along, but it was easy to see any infatuation between the two of them had faded. Sakura was smart – and she would need someone smart to keep up with her. She would never be strong; she would never be talented. But she would be intelligence and Kakashi knew that she enjoyed carrying on intelligent conversations; she liked someone she could view as her equal in that matter.

Naruto was sweet, strong, and caring, but he was far from intelligent. The only thing he really knew a lot about was ramen and all the flavors it came in.

"Not Sakura" he confided in Iruka. The dark haired chuunin nodded. Naruto was much too good for someone like Sakura anyway – in Iruka's mind, she had treated him far too badly for far too long.

"Hinata…?" Iruka asked looking over at Kakashi. The silver haired jounin was already shaking his head. Hinata was sweet and shy and loving, but Naruto would never understand her. Shy wasn't even in his vocabulary. Naruto was loud and obnoxious and never knew when to quit. He would probably end up embarrassing poor Hinata to her death.

Plus, Naruto needed someone who would take care of him. Hinata needed taking care of. Both of them needed someone who would love them for who they were, because neither was quite sure how to love. In the end, they would both end up feeling unloved and unsatisfied with any sort of relationship.

"Ino?" Kakashi asked looking over at Iruka. The two of them looked at Ino then laughed. The blond haired girl was very pretty, quite strong, and was stubborn enough to go head to head with Naruto and would be bossy enough to stop him whenever he tried to do something stupid. Ino would keep Naruto in line.

But Naruto could be stubborn and annoying about it too. He didn't like taking orders, and he and Ino would end up fighting. Not too mention…and this is probably the most important thing of all – Ino was barely paying attention to Naruto. She was talking to Sakura instead and the two of them were looking at Shino more often then they should. Kakashi sighed under his breath. Girl ninjas – always competing over something, whether they wanted it or not.

Shino may or may not have been paying attention to Naruto. Iruka figured it was almost a similar problem with Shino that they saw in Hinata. Shino just…wasn't open. He was almost too serious for Naruto. Shino had a lot of good qualities and Naruto would probably be the best to bring them out, but he was still quiet and serious. He wouldn't appreciate Naruto's loudness and his laughter.

Gaara was an interesting one. Gaara and Naruto would probably understand each other better than anyone else because of the demons they shared. Their love would be deep and soulful and they would be good for each other. Both were very much in need of love and could easily find it in each other.

However…Naruto was not a deep and soulful person. Gaara's eyes held an intense sadness in them, a pain that Naruto's eyes were free from. Anything with Gaara would be full of pain before they ever found love in each other…if they ever found love.

Kakashi decided he couldn't bear to see Naruto in pain. It would be like watching a puppy with a broken leg try to chase a ball.

And speaking of puppies, there was still Kiba to consider. Kiba and Naruto were very alike. Both were loud with big ambitions. But its hard to like someone who reminds you so much of yourself. Very hard indeed. Kiba and Naruto were loud, obnoxious, determined, and both were that way to cover up a sensitive heart. No. Naruto and Kiba were too alike.

But then again, he and Hyuuga Neji were too different. Neji was serious, too serious and too different from Naruto. The two always failed to see eye to eye.

That left of course, one person. That one Uchiha Sasuke. Yes, you could argue that Sasuke was never really a part of the courting of Uzumaki Naruto - but what fun was that?

Sasuke provided that competition for Naruto, it brought out the drive in him that brought him to be a great ninja. Sasuke understood Naruto, but not exactly the way Gaara did. But Sasuke knew loneliness. It was a different type of loneliness than Naruto experienced, but all the emptiness would still be there.

Love is a strange thing. But it is also quite simple when looked at correctly. Love is, in short, when you care about someone very much. Naruto and Sasuke both cared about each other. Love comes in varying degrees however - the deepest love, the kind that makes two people want to be near each other always comes only with a price.

"Gah! Sasuke, you, you, you…"

"What? Are you attempting to speak _dobe_?"

"AH! I hate you!" Sasuke only smirked arrogantly in response.  


And that's the price of true love. The one you truly love will be the one who drives you crazy the most. Because only those people that you truly care about - the ones who's every action drives you; who's every move you watch - they will effect you like nothing ever has before. Everything they do will get under your skin and itch. Everything will affect your every move, the way you breathe.

Because after all, if you didn't care about the person -

"FINE! I'll forgive you, but only if you buy me ramen."

-then why would you even acknowledge their behavior in the first place?

"Whatever. I'll buy you your ramen, but only because the high salt content will kill you and put you out of my life even sooner."

"Wha?! Sasuke!!!"

-_ Even if you leave behind paradise, you can still find happiness on Earth._

Author's Commentary: And that's it. The very end. Thank you all for reading. Yes - that's really it. Why is that it? I wrote this story as a challenge - one that could be read by both shounen-ai fans and non shounen-ai fans. And so - I leave this one up to your imagination dear readers. Are Naruto and Sasuke on their way to their first date which will lead to love and happiness? Or, would you like to imagine Sakura and Hinata or perhaps Gaara interrupt and they end up happily with Naruto? The choice is yours, and I hope you understand why I wrote the ending the way I did.


End file.
